We've fallen apart like roses in a decaying garden. Rage, sorrow, pain and hate. How much until I break apart? How much until I end it all? I want out, I want out, I want out, I want to fucking escape from this neverending nightmare. How much do I have to suffer until I'll finally be free? Let me die, I want to die.
The need to escape is choking. My mind is collapsing, I feel it break into pieces with every breath I take.How much until the end? I grasp the smooth surface of the table so tight my knuckles turn white. Wave after wave of rage washes over my being, with maddening pauses of sorrowful agony in between. My stomach feels sick, my head is spinning from the lack of air; I hold my breath to keep my mind from falling apart. One hand rises to my neck and starts scratching slowly, nails digging deep, leaving red markings and splitting the skin open eventually. Blood starts surfacing, yet I feel no pain. My mind is too focused on the rage. I've had enough since long ago; perhaps only oblivion made me hold on for so long. This sweet, unnecessary curse of keeping my mind locked into limbo has helped somehow, but the truth is that it only made matters worse. To add fuel to the fire, the problem of my inexistent identity crushes my skull with the fierce power of helplessness and I fall to my knees, tears stinging my eyes. I stare off into the darkness filling up the space under the table; the dimly-lit room no longer soothes me, the shadows actually feel like predators carefully eyeing their prey. I struggle to my feet and reach for my cup of coffee. For the next half an hour I gulp down ten cups of strong, bitter coffee in a fit of madness, thinking the foul taste could extinguish the fire scorching my mind. It usually worked, but today proved to be exceptionally shitty. I sink into a chair and start rocking back and fort, a stupid smile spread across my lips, tears falling and eyes unfocused. I want to fucking disappear from this world, to lose myself into the abyss, that impossibly black space where nothing exists, not even me.Where I go just before oblivion claims my mind again and helps me go back to living. I notice that I ran out of coffee.
With frenzied movements I search the bar and take out a couple of energy drinks. I know very well what the effect of mixing them with what's already in my blood would do to me. Yet, I drink them. I've wanted to be free for far too long, my patience and sanity had been murdered years ago. The only thing I can feel sadness about is this world inside of me that will go to waste and for that I will feel eternal regret but I fear I'm too far gone for anything to pull me back on the track.
I can feel my chains breaking and falling to the ground as rust eats them away rapidly. I also feel the last threads of the veil holding my mind together disintegrate under the flames boiling my blood. My veins hurt and my heart thuds loudly as if wanting to break my ribs. My breath comes out in sharp gasps and my eyes blur, a piercing noise fills my ears, blood is trickling from my nose. For some time all I can do is stare at the ceiling through a reddish haze and kick my legs around while my hands are tightly grasping my upper arms. Suddenly, everything stills.
It's always like this. Periods of time when everything seems to be alright, when I think that my future is my own. Then it happens. He shows me just how wrong I am hoping for that, how I never was and never will be free of him and the fate he prepared for me. I have to do this, I have to do that, this is normal and I have to obey, forever enslaved.
What is "normal"? Something I am not and never will be. I refuse this fate. I refuse you. There won't be a legacy, your name will die with you and for that I'll make sure myself. If I have to stain my hands, then so be it. There's nothing good left for me anyway so why not go on the other side? I'm already fucked up, gave my soul to the nothingness and was left with what I am today. It's because of you I'm dead inside.You, you, you, oh dear father of mine.
Will I ever break free, I wonder from time to time. And there's hope in my soul, a feeling I'd rather discard. And sometimes I succeed because you prove to me that whatever I'll do, it will never be enough as long as it's not what you want. You know, I never asked to be here, I never wished to be alive. A happy home, a fairy tale, a broken dream.Won't you die for me?
Who was I supposed to be, I wonder from time to time. Can I die? I want to go away. Well, my soul is already there; there's nothing left of it to be saved. Hate me.Hate me.Hate me.Hate me for I'll never be what you want me to be. Let's not prolong this joke of a life anymore and just hate me already. It is unavoidable for what I have in mind for my future it will leave you breathless.Literally.
Another day, another week, another year and I'm still bound to this life you gave me. Will I ever be free? My mind is swiftly swirling down and I know that when it'll reach the bottom, darkness will engulf everything. Pitch black.Nothingness.Death.
How funny, how fitting to be left with whiteness. Pure white. Fullness. Life. And I'm still not what you wanted me to be. To break free is to die and be reborn. I went mad and never came back. Hehe.
I'd rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not.
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can't.
"No! Claaaara!" she fell to her knees, her outstretched hand trying in vain to catch the falling body of her bestfriend. Kess snatched her waist, holding it tight to prevent her from plunging after Clara.
Faith's shrill scream filled the night, full of the grief and hopelessness she was feeling in her suddenly bleeding soul. All she could think was how did it happen? How was it possible for Clara to disappear from her life in such a short amount of time? In a split second, she was gone, engulfed by the darkness stretching under her. The bridge they were running across crumbled out of nowhere, as if it was alive and decided to suddenly move itself.
"Move! Goddamn it, move already, Faith!" Kess' voice, even though it sounded harsh and cold, held an edge of despair. He was dragging his friend, trying to get her up on her feet before The Cold Ones caught up on them.The adrenaline surging through his veins kept low the impact of what just happened, maintaining his head clear. This must've been the work of a sorcerer, the bridge suddenly collapsing. If that was true, then the case of them dying in the next minutes was 100% likely.
"Faith!Up!"
Her survival instincts finally took over the torment in her brain and she sprang to her feet and after Kess. They had to get on the next building fast; she could already feel the cement under her feet beginning to heat, sign that a lethal spell was being cast. The full moon and clear sky along with the city lights kept their path illuminated and she could already see another stone bridge so out of place in the futuristic metropolis, raised up in memory of times long past gone. She didn't want to let herself think about how Clara vanished without a sound from behind her when they were crossing a structure like that mere moments ago. If she succumbed to the sorrow eating away at her soul, death would embrace her with open arms. And what if she let herself die? To put an end to all suffering. No more running, just the pure bliss of not existing. Kess's firm tug on her hand when he sensed she was slowing down brought her back to reality. They already crossed the bridge and it didn't fall. She chanced a look over her shoulder and noticed with terror in her eyes that boiling lava covered the roof they were standing on previously. Never before had she seen a spell in action even though she had heard of them. Powerful, terrifying abilities that can ravage everything they touch. A shudder shook her body and it wasn't from the slightly chilly wind.
"Damn it!" Kess's shout brought her attention back to their current problem: escaping from The Cold Ones. They were trapped.
"We can't jump. The gap between these two is wider than the one between the Council and the hospital where we had no problem leaping." Kess brought his hands over his face and then through his hair, looking wildly around."They're close and that fucking sorcerer just made this a hundred times more difficult. He could strike us at any moment." He suddenly stopped moving, closed his eyes and drew a deep breath through his nose, a sign that he tried to calm down. Faith simply stood in front of him, palms firmly clasped over eachother, waiting. Exhaling, Kess spoke, eyes still closed.
"Prepare to fight for your life if this makes a turn for the worse. We will climb down the ladder on the right side of the building. If I remember correctly the plans of this town's structure, there should be an iron staircase on every edifice, glass windows set every four meters in case of emergencies like fires or explosions. If the fucker casts a lethal spell while we're going down and the ladder starts to heat, break through the nearest opening. If we get separated, just head straight to the exit. Understood?" He opened his eyes and Faith thought they have never been darker than in that moment. With a firm nod, she headed to her right, noticing that there really was a ladder there. The air was getting gradually icier, sign that The Cold Ones were closing in on them. Swiftly, she proceeded in climbing down, Kess following right after. If she were to slip and fall, there would be nothing left of her but an unrecognizable mass of flesh and bones.
They were halfway down when she heard his scream. Faith wiped her head up and saw Kess struggling to free his right hand which got caught in something resembling an iron claw. From above him a grey mist was slowly descending the ladder. "Go! Faith,move already!"
"What about you?!" the girl's voice was hysteric, her panicked eyes moving between Kess attempting to free himself and the ominous looking mist. There was no time, no time.
"Go the fuck away already, Faith! We can't let them have all of us!"
She started sniffing but resumed her descent, not looking up anymore. Kess was tough, he will get down in time, she was sure, she had to be sure or else she would lose herself in despair. Plagued by such thoughts, her foot slipped on a wet stair and when she looked down, her eyes widened in utter horror. Thick mist was climbing up and some of its tendrils already reached her, leaving thin gashes in her shoes. Thinking fast, she located the nearest window, a couple of meters above her, and plunged for it. The shattered glass stuck to her now bloodied hands and, cringing from the burning like pain, she got up and looked behind her; the mist seemed to pay her no attention and continued its ascension. Towards Kess. Faith almost screamed and made a move as if to go back, yet his words resonated in her mind. She will not lose her head, will not let herself get caught like a pathetic insect in a flytrap. And then she ran.
Kess was drawing runes with a bloodied finger on the iron claw when he heard the glass breaking and he looked down. Figures it wouldn't be that easy. Damn sorcerer and damn mist. The one from above already caught up with him and sliced his hands and torso and was now slithering towards his back, neck and head. Come on, come on already. Brow furrowed, hand feverish, he whispered the Latin word for "break off", the mantra which would activate the rune. 63...64...65...66! "Distraho!" The claw cracked, falling apart and freeing his hand. By now, his arms were covered in deep gushes oozing blood and the pain was almost unbearable. Clenching his teeth, he broke through the nearest window, rolled inside the darkened room and traced another bloody rune on the floor, the pattern for light. A luminous bulb the size of his fist materialized and floated in front of him. Running through the door and out in the hallway, Kess prayed that Faith was still alive and she was heading towards the exit. If only it weren't so dark, Faith thought as she stumbled yet another time. The only light illuminating her path was from the windows, but there weren't as many as she expected. Only one per hallway. Strange enough, the elevator wasn't working and she had to take the stairs. After only two flights, her leg muscles were aching and trembling; the adrenaline rushing through her veins earlier already left her. What still managed to make her move was the thought of The Cold Ones catching up to her. Sensing a tremor in the handrail she was clinging to, Faith stopped moving and looked around herself although it was too dark to see anything. An ominous feeling sent shivers down her spine. Then, a blue, luminous line of Latin script appeared alongside the wall next to her and continued descending and ascending until she couldn't see it anymore. Faith sat still, waiting for something to happen for it was surely the sorcerer's hand here. She felt trapped.
Kess knew what was going to happen when the bluish words appeared alongside the walls. Curses fell from his lips and he ran faster, now screaming Faith's name; they had to get there before the reality began to change. A fucking phone would've been a life saver now. The building was twenty stories high, it will take the sorcerer at least five minutes to cover the whole of it, no matter how experienced he was. If he found the girl soon, they might get out in time.
Dark thoughts were lurking at the edges of her mind. She had to start moving again to outrun the despair in her soul. How high was this damn building? Her legs felt like jelly and she was almost tempted to give up. Almost. From somewhere above her, Faith heard Kess' voice calling her name. With renewed hope, she screamed back his name.
He heard her. Much lower than he thought and that was a bad thing; they won't have time to escape. He shouted Elido and he hoped she understood what he meant. She never studied runes like him or Clara but she still knew the basics. Probably. While descending towards her, he started chanting the Latin word. 66 times himself and 66 times Faith should be enough to break a hole in the wall.
"Elido? What the hell is elido?" She panicked again, racking her brain for the translation. "Break to pieces? Oh Lord, I'm so fucked. How did the rune look like?" Faith smeared some of the blood on her arms on the wall next to her and chanted the word, hoping she was doing it right. The handrail was beginning to tremble, resembling a disrupted reflection on water.
She was there chanting and clasping her hands tightly, looking anxious. She didn't draw the rune. Kess moved at once to trace the lines on the wall. 66 and 66, come on, please! He saw the signs of reality getting changed and knew they were almost out of time. Cracks began forming in the cement and soon enough it began crumbling, leaving behind a hole big enough for a body to fit through. What he didn't think about when he came up with that plan was the height. Looking down he sighed in relief to see that at least once fate wasn't screwing with them. Two stories won't make much damage. At least not as much as remaining in the building would.
"Come on Faith, you have to jump. Remember the parkour basics I taught you?"
She nodded and looked down with her face scrunched up in fear. "You know how to land. Now go!" He heard the crackling as the two worlds began merging together and threw himself through the opening in time to not get caught in the shifted astral plane. He landed with a thud and rolled into a crouching position. Next to him Faith was huffing, laying flat on the dirty sidewalk.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I...just need to...uf catch my breath."
Kess looked at the gap they made in the building and saw the blue light. He shuddered, knowing very well what mayhem lay now behind it.
"We have to get moving. Just because we escaped from there doesn't mean it's over. By now, The Cold Ones already located us."
"Shit." Faith covered her face. "I'm just so tired. So so tired."
"Faith..."
"I know! But it's still hard." The girl struggled to get into a sitting position.
"Come on, we have to get to the shrine faster. We wasted enough time with this fucking building." Kess was massaging his temples, the only sign of his fatigue being his ragged breath and the distraught look in his eyes
"Please, run slower. My legs feel like they're about to fall off."
"Take my hand and don't let go, no matter what."
"I won't."
I'm bound by luminous lines of runes. My head is spinning, my body is aching. They found us is the only thing I can think of.
The Crow's eye takes in everything, absorbs the world it lives in and stores the information inside itself. It becomes a greater being, one which knows and understands things others aren't able to. But sometimes, all that unindentified matter summing up its very self gets so jumbled up and twisted that the Crow gets confused. Therefore, it can no longer comprehend itself and loses its existance. The darkness engulfs everything and this little bird's wings get bound to the ground. Not being able to focus on anything, the Crow is flickering in and out of reality, wasting eons of its life, crushing and recreating parts of itself which will soon be forgotten again. It goes back to the beginning one more time.
A mess of a soul, chained into reality, longing for liberation.
There are sounds in the shadows,beckoning me to follow. But where,where,where am I going? Dark tendrils slithering towards me, circling my feet, are trying to have a taste of something which isn't there: a soul. I want them gone, they are poisoning my mind. Hah, who am I kidding? The venom is practically dripping from my pores, it dissolved every particle of purity and sanity and left a hideous, scarred mask. A mask I embrace with a grin on my face. Hehe. Those damn shadows are still there.Why won't they fucking leave? What are you staring at, huh? Fucking grains of darkness.
Alone is what I have. Humans disgust me, I want to see them dropping dead when they least expect it. Blood, blood, blood leaking out my eyes as I watch you burn eternally in the hands of Death. There's mud in my veins, my blue, blue veins, royalty defamed. And mud in my brain, staining my vision on reality a hue or two darker. Me and Death, separated at birth. Seriously, that's why I'm so alone, because my one and only companion left me before I had the chance to meet it. Oh but I hold hope that I'll meet it again, for sure it will happen. Say, dirty seeds of darkness, if I follow you now, will I meet the one I want?
The shadows grew thicker in the time I lamented. They're restless, trying to convey a message I can't understand. I don't speak shadow. Getting taller, more imposing, I see dark, flickering fangs rising above me and then striking. Oh I've been eaten by shadows, my skin is being pierced by thousand needles yet there's no pain. Where is the pain, bring the fucking pain! I want to inflict pain on you, will you let me? Say that you will beacause all I see is darkness.
If I don't own a soul, what would the shadows want from me? I mean, that's where all essence gathers and holds itself together, keeping the individual sane. Not having a container, my essence is poluting my brain, wrecking havoc in my veins, causing mayhem in my organs. It's all a mess, a fucking mess. My beautiful mess. Blood, blood, blood, I'm demanding first blood! The shadows want a taste? Here, have it all! Rip my flesh and drink up, poison yourself, dirty yourself, become sick like me! Take a knife and carve your name on my skin, Death. I can't feel pain, is it all an illusion? No but look at the poodle of red at my feet, that surely looks like mine. I rub my eyes and guess what? There's blood on my hands! Oh what the fuck, who cut my veins? My pretty pretty blue veins!
Hah, the shadows are following me as I walk away. Looks like I have a new companion. Until we can meet, dear Death, I'll have them by my side. My new black stained loneliness.
She lost control again, a hooded person noticed from behind a building. And she killed again. Those agonized screams were ringing in his ears long after the victim was dead, making him shudder uncontrollably. Keeping an eye on her was getting tougher with each outburst she manifested but someone had to make sure she wouldn't get herself killed. He wondered if one day he'll fall victim to her madness and die at her hands like many others. No one who encountered her during a rampage got out alive.Not a single person.
"Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown and the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings."
The first of September, Monday. I'm back on my feet.
After months of hardcore procrastination, I picked up the pen and paper and began to create.With so much inspiration around, it's impossible to not get drawn back towards this art.It's not like I wanted to stop writing,no,the ideas were there; it's just that I had no motivation whatsoever.I think Sloth should be my middle name.
A month of change.Goodbye summer, highschool, childhood. Welcome college, a new city, a new chapter. Hopefully, I won't screw up too badly.With eyes wide open and enchanted by life more than ever, I take in everything thrown my way and twist it into something worth remembering.
Falling leaves, colder winds, air thick with a feeling of nostalgia, the
lingering scent of summer, warm, bittersweet rays of sunlight...Yes,
that's exactly what September is about: that bittersweet golden glow
which seems to engulf everything in a warm and sad light. Muses dancing swiftly behind coppery leaves, flirting with your imagination, tempting you to lose yourself amidst a sea of dreams and decaying innocence. Their decadent smiles have never been so sweet.Truly, Autumn is the best time of the year for weaving stories.
I look around the potpourri of blogs I'm following and I notice how many have stopped writing. There was this awesome girl from Bucharest who did the most amazing blog posts; I think she's the one who motivated me to start writing. I was simply fascinated by her mind.
Aah, I can feel what this "pause" did to me. I'm straining to write a
simple post, issue I never had to deal with before. Trying and trying to
convey my feelings about the new season and failing miserably.
With the first day of Autumn gone, I begin to discard heat and absorb frost. These three months of golden haze are merely the stepping stone towards my sanctuary, Winter, but I'll enjoy them nonetheless. Creating and recreating.
"Sweet as sugar,cold as ice,hurt me once,I'll break you twice."
"He's hot."
"More like a blazing inferno."
Highpitched giggles came from the two women sitting on stools and sipping Coke next to Eve.How annoying.Picking up her cup of coffe, she made her way to the table where her friends were sprawled, laughing and headbanging like crazy.Crossing her legs, she eyed the dancefloor with faked interest;only kiddos and bitches swinging their hair and jumping up and down were flooding her precious stage.The one place she felt at ease.Where the colored lights and good music made her blood boil.She let her gaze trail slowly towards the man those hoes from the bar were mentally undressing.W.Her ex-boyfriend and potential love interest.His lack of resolve is what made their frequent relationships not work;that jerk just wouldn't make up his mind already.Tonight started so well,he acted so loving and interested that she thought they were finally on the same page.No such luck.He fucked up everything with stupid questions and retarded answers. One last chance to settle everything it's what she'll give to him and if he pissed on this one too,then he'll have to pay.
His dark eyes focused on her with wolfish interest and she beckoned him to come as she headed towards the door.The music blaring from the speakers helped calm her nerves and the rain outside felt like it was washing away her sins. She sat with her back to him and he embraced her,planting a kiss just below her right ear.She wriggled free from his arms with a scowl on her face.
"Alright,what's going on?" he sounded annoyed.
"What am I to you,W.?Do you love me?"
"What's with that question Eve?I thought we spoke about this earlier.I just can't afford a serious relationship right now-"
"Because you want to go study outside,bla bla.I know." she mocked him in a bored tone. "So what?You still have one year left until then.What,do you think I'll try keeping you tied to me forever?"
"Who knows what you're thinking," his voice edged with something between sarcasm and suggestiveness.
"Say what?!Who are you taking me for?Seriously W., if you think you're so important to me, you're clearly mistaken," she was poking her chest with her right finger as her voice rised an octave.
"Hmm,I wonder about that." His arrogance simmered her blood and, inhaling deep,she took a step back and closed her eyes.This bastard had never been worth the stress and tears.Clenching her shoulders and arching her spine,she opened her eyes,now a dark purple, and stared at him hard.He flinched once at the sight of her but put the blame of what he was seeing on the mix of beer and weed.Even so,the murderous glare mirrorred on her face was clearly real.
The flinch in your eye calls your bluff
Feel free to die when you've had enough
Useless cause is breaking your back
Your life will end when you attack.
A sick beat seeped from under the door and settled in her blood.Oh,how fitting were the lyrics;it was almost ironic.She approached him leisurely,like a predator cornering its prey.He saw him gulp once but he didn't draw back.She spoke in a sugary tone,her purple eyes twinkling mischievously.
"Hey,did you know- she traced one sharp fingernail across his chest- that I have a very special power which helps me get rid of...unwanted trash?Did you know it can make anyone I want succumb to my wishes?"
"What,seduction?" W. tried to laugh,but it came out strangled.
"Nu-uh,sexy.It's something so awesome,you'd be dying to have it too." She pronounced dying like she was purring."What do you say,wanna have a look?"
"You're showing me your boobs?" his wolfish grin nagged at her nerves.With a swift move,she scratched his chest,her nails drawing blood.
"Ah,you bitch!" he raised a hand to his wound and felt the wetness there.
Her lips turned to a savagely sweet smile."What did you call me?"
Make your move
Make your stand
Make the win
(ha..) Like you can.
Terror sharpened his gaze.Maybe what he was seeing wasn't the effect of getting high at all.He watched her lick the blood coating her fingertips and barking a sharp laugh.
"Have a couple of screws in your head gone loose?" he shouted, fear begining to crawl across his skin, making the fine hairs on his back stand.
Eve continued laughing like a madwoman."Come,hit me.Hit this bitch that loved you and will now kill you!"
"What the hell did you smoke,Eve? Come to your senses already!" W. made a move as if to slap her but before his palm could make contact with her cheek, a fiery agony shot from his shoulder blade to his spine.His knees folded under, slamming him to the wet cement.He attempted a scream,but the pain gored deep and sucked the air from his lungs.Above him, Eve was holding her face in her palms, laughing and staring at him with jeering eyes.
"That's a nice expression...That one like a cornered small animal...It's a wonderful expression!"
"What did you do?I can't feel my arm!"
"And you also won't feel your legs,ahahaha!" Her eyes flared and something in his knees and calves crackled, sending waves of hot pain throughout his body.His screams were defeaning but no sound made it inside the club.Not when death metal was being played.Eve absently thought that his shouts actually matched the ones from the song.Ah,how marvelous!She created her own song."More!Scream more!"
To take me out you must fight like a man
You've yet to prove that you can
I see your might and it compares to something
That is if something is nothing.
"Isn't it delicious?The taste of licking the floor!Ahahahaha!" Eve circled restlessly W.'s collapsed,bloody form.Fingers were missing from his left hand and his cheeks had purple blotches of skin were his blood imploded.
"I'm gonna rape your sorry ass and then I'll carve a dick onto your body with a piece of dirty beer glass,you bitch!" He meant to sound menacing and defying, but his voice came out like a mere whimper.
"Whaaat?You want to kill me?Please be quick about it then.I'm getting bored here,ahahaha." Eve was hugging her sides and laughing at the pathetic sight in front of her.
Was there any mean of rescue left for him?He thought bitterly when she dragged him behind some stone columns half an hour earlier.Or maybe it happened only few minutes ago.When in pain, time seems to slither forward like a snail,mocking you and laughing at your suffering.The trails of blood left from him were already washed by the rain and his broken voice couldn't bark one more scream.Even if someone went outside and, by some miracle, found them, this psychotic bitch would kill them in no time.She was a freak and she was hell bent on making him suffer.And for what?He laughed tiredly inside as he thought that he did nothing to her.
"Hope you burn in hell,Eve.It pissed you off so bad that I didn't want to fuck you and only you,huh?"Even near death,the arrogance didn't leave his eyes.
Rage coiled inside her stomach at his words.Growling under her breath,the woman sent him a murderous glare and her words dripped poison. "You are so fucking dumb, you smug son of a bitch!You messed with the wrong person,do ya hear me?!Ooooh,I wanted to let you live,I really did.After all,you're such a fun toy to play with! But did you know?It's the best when you break them to bits!" Taking his head in her hands,she slammed it on the cement repeatedly until no sound but her labored breaths and the pouring rain were left.Taking a step back,she eyed the corpse with a serious look plastered on her face.
"You thought I was going to chase after you like those thirsty hoes?How cute."
His presence triggered a memory from her childhood.
She was five.In the garden of her house,on a late summer afternoon,Shirley was playing with her older sister.Her small,white dress was fluttering around her in the before-the-storm wind.The clouds were rilled up in the horizont,ashen and fierce looking and the smell of rain was already pungent.She was laughing,feeling exhilareted by the fun time she was having with the ones she loved so much.And then it happened.A big butterfly like she had never seen before landed on the grass in front of them,blown by the harsh wind.Her sister screamed;she was scared to death by insects.Taking a shoe,she raised it over her head and slammed it on the small creature.Shirley watched transfixed the scene unfolding before her,pain filling her innocent,unknowing heart.In a matter of seconds,she threw herself over the butterfly as her sister striked again.Her fear-driven blows didn't stop;she was too blinded by her phobia to notice she was actually hurting her precious.Shirley took the injured insect in her hands and brought it to her chest,tears of grief rolling down her cheeks,not for the pain in her back from the hits she was taking but for the poor creature in her hands.It would surely die;she didn't want that to happen,she didn't want to see anything suffer in this beautiful,beautiful world.She ran towards the fence and settled the wounded butterfly at the base of a Forget-me-not.
Fifteen years later,there she was,sipping a cup of steaming hot chocolate in the middle of winter,watching the busy street from inside her favourite cafe when a stranger stopped by her table and simply stared at her.He was tall,lean and clad in a long,black coat.His dark bangs covered half of his pale face as he leaned over her,hands in pockets.He had a familiar aura to him,soothing even though she was sure she never met him before.His eyes had a peculiar colour,a deep orange,like the sun at dusk and he gazed at her with something akin to longing and adoration.Even though she should have felt creeped out of her senses,Shirley was oddly at peace,only if a little bit confused.Her wide,chicory eyes stared back at him,her gaze mirroring the curiosity she was feeling inside.
For five minutes straight he didn't move,nor did his eyes falter from hers.She didn't dare break the silence as she was transfixed by the encounter.Suddenly,moving too fast for her to comprehend anything,he cupped her face with his hands,lowering his head towards her,a soft,sorrowful smile spreading across his lips.His voice was deep and full of emotion as he spoke.
"My love,we finally meet again."
Her breath hitched.His touch made her vision bleary and for a second,Shirley thought she saw butterfly wings on his back.And then he kissed her,softly,yet with such love and desperation that her heart wrenched tightly and tears slipped down her cheeks.He draw back and she locked her shocked eyes with his.Who was this stranger and why did her insides feel crushed by anguish?When he took her hand in his and beckoned her to come with him,she went without saying anything.The staccato beat of her heart slowed.
The setting sun was giving the park an eerie,golden hue.The stranger kept holding her hand all the way from the cafe to where they were now,not saying anything.She didn't ask anyway.
"Aaah,so little time.If only I could have come back to you sooner."His voice trembled and his hold tightened.Embracing her,he murmured a foreign word and everything around her went black.Memories of a forgotten,past life hit her as hard as thunder and settled in her brain.Two kids holding hands and running happily through a field of wheat;two teens weeping at a funeral;a woman and a man fighting for their lives in an apocalyptic world;the same man crying tears of blood while hugging the headless corpse of the woman.And then,the memory of her saving the butterfly from her sister's hits.
Shirley gasped and opened her eyes wide,taking in the burnt sky and the feel of the stranger's arms around her.No,not a stranger,but someone she knew all too well.Someone she loved for a lifetime.
"How?"she uttered as they both collapsed to the ground in a fierce embrace.He spoke in a hushed,almost defeated tone.
"After I lost you,before our world ended,I prayed to God to meet you again.I pleaded and pleaded,until the Earth imploded and everything vanished,I pleaded until my last breath and a miracle happened.I got the chance to meet Him.The God of Time,The Creator,the one who controls and resets the worlds when their time is up.He granted my wish.I traveled and lived through six timelines to meet you,but you weren't in any of those.Man,woman,animal,I've been all those.Past and future,I've lived through both.Yet,my hope never faltered.I will chase after you until the end of time if I have to,that's what I thought when my lifes reseted and once again,you weren't there.You are such a rare and precious being,my love.And when I finally found you,I had the misfortune of being reborn as an insect.It pained me more than I thought it would to be near you but unable to touch you.That fateful day when you saved me from being crushed by your sister,I did something unforgivable.Seeing you get hurt for me made me force fate once again.I asked to be returned to my original form but I asked the wrong person.You see,The Creator is a just being;favoring a mere human would unbalance the Laws of this world.It took me years,but I managed to find a way to return to what I was once.Or so I thought.There is no light without darkness;no world free of evil exists because that would also unbalance the Laws.Without realizing it,I made a pact with the devil.He asked for a soul in return for what I wanted and I foolishly agreed,not once considering the fact that it may not be mine I sold."
Shirley felt hot tears wet the skin of her neck as he burried his face there.
"I will save you from the fate I brought on you myself.This will be my final act."
She swiftly detangled herself from him and looked him and kept him at arms length with her hands on his shoulders.Staring at him with a mix of determination and dread in her cicory eyes,she spoke:
"No!You have suffered enough.If I'm going to burn,then so be it.I love you too much to let you sacrifice yourself for me!No more!"
"My love,how could I live without you?How could I live with myself knowing that because of me,your spirit is agonizing in the depths of Hell?I haven't lived all of those lifes to hand your pure soul to the devil."
It happened without any form of foretelling.The wind picked up at high speed,swirlling around them,the sun blackened and the earth split open.Crimson flames flared through the cracks and scorched the grass and a huge crater formed in front of them.Nightmarish yells clawed at their ears and horrific,shapeless shadows danced in the air as they stared in fear and shock at the scene unfolding before them.Soon enough,the wind picked her up and threw her towards the flames but he didn't let go.He hold on to her hand with everything he got,even though he was also dragged into the pit.
"No!Let me go!I don't want you to burn with me!Please,please live!"her desperate cries fell on deaf ears.With a last surge of power,he changed their places,his soul already detaching itself from the body.
"You saved me once.It is now my turn to protect you."His smile was sad and it pierced right through her heart.Without other words,he let go of her hand.
His adoring eyes never once left her as the flames engulfed him.Her outstretched hand tried in vain to reach him;the raging wind threw her back on solid ground and the gap closed,leaving only a patch of burnt grass as evidence to what happened.Her cries of his name didn't stop for a long time as she pounded the soil with her fists,her tears leaving traces on her ash poudered cheeks.Only when her broken throat couldn't utter a sound more,did she collapse,her face buried in her hands,silently crying.
I want to see you so much that my tears
would not stop flowing.
Hello again, I still can't remember how this all began. You can't undo; It's okay though because I've got a gift for you.
AN: The song says it all.
Slowly, slowly, slowly.
Before she leaves, she's got one more thing left to do.
She passed through the metal doors, heels clicking on the tiled marble floor. Really, the security there was so poor. It had been too easy to hack the system and tranquillize the guards. Now her white latex clad form made her way to where the person she was looking for worked. Glass doors, lots and lots of weird looking mechanisms, beds,white and blue walls, everything you would find in a research center, except the humans working there. It was well past the working hours but she knew she would still find her there; she always worked over the schedule. Finally, the Histopathology lab.The automatic door opened and she stepped inside. There was a woman with brown hair pulled back in a bun bent over the microscope; she wiped her head back in a instant, startled by the sudden intrusion. As the researcher eyed the all too familiar woman clad in white, her expression was one of utter confusion. Before she had any chance to speak, the other one engaged in the discussion first.
"Hello again, Lady Doc. Remember me?" A smirk spread over her lips, but her golden eyes showed no emotion.
"Of course I do-"
"Sasha.You can call me that."
The Doctor knitted her brows in bewilderment; she knew the woman before her eyes and Sasha wasn't her name. Long time ago they were friends, almost like sisters actually. But life happened and bonds broke and now here they were, staring each other down, one with a blank, yet eerie expression, the other lost in a haze of reminiscence. Sasha began speaking again, not giving her any chance to bring about memories better left forgotten.
"I have a gift for you."
Lady Doc didn't notice the carefully wrapped package in Sasha's left hand until the woman raised it before her eyes. A medium sized box, large enough to fit a book perhaps, covered with a purple paper which had golden stars all over it. The ghost from her past approached and put the present in the Doctor's gloved hands. A vague thought crossed her mind briefly: she had to finish researching the bacterias before they died on the microscope's glass. Sasha leaned over and silently kissed both her cheeks; she smelled like amber and chemicals. After the sudden display of affection, she backed away to her spot by the door and eyed the Doctor with unsettling interest.The package felt slightly heavy in her hands, the paper was smooth and cold. Looking at her old friend, she analyzed her appearance with suspicion in her brown eyes. On her right hipbone a long and thick syringe was attached.The belt that tightly circled her hips had various pockets and on her left side a long, ivory pistol gleamed in the cold light of the laboratory. It must have been custom made as no known brand was written on it and it had some details engraved on the handle that she couldn't clearly make out because of the distance. Her searching eyes turned back to the parcel in her hands.
"Don't worry, it's not a bomb. I'm not suicidal." The Doctor could tell her uninvited guest was smiling even without having to raise her head to see it. So the Doctor ripped the paper with jerky movements and let it fall to the floor as she stared at the big book in her hands: Stephen King's Apocalypse, how predictable.
"Uh, thanks, you didn't have to get me anything. We haven't seen each other in a very long time..." She was finding it difficult to talk to this strange woman.
"Open the book, there's more." The laugh she gave was cold and sharp. A shiver slithered along her spine and a sickly foreboding made her stomach fret. With shaking hands, she moved aside the cover to discover a gun in a rectangle made of cropped pages. A fake book, she thought mindlessly as she regarded it in shock. What happened next unfolded too fast for her to react in any way other than staring dumbly at the white creature inches away from her body. Sasha had the syringe from her leg unclasped and pointing at her stomach and a toothy grin reigned on her face. Time seemed to go in slow motion as the long, thick needle pierced through her flesh and right in her celiac trunk. Coldness seeped in her upper body along with the pain of having been stabbed.
"It won't hurt. Much." said Sasha as she quickly withdrew to her earlier position, closer to the door this time. "It's poison, if you're wondering what I had just injected in you. Deadly poison, hehe. I predict you'll die in 20 minutes but, who knows, maybe you'll have the guts to save yourself. Don't give me that look, of course I'll give you the chance to defend your life, I've not fallen that low. I wish for you to have an artistic death; you were my dearest friend after all."
Terror settled in the Doc's body and the damned grin on Sasha's face didn't help ease it. She had to calm down and look for a way out. That woman couldn't have poisoned her for real, surely it's just a joke. She had always been all talk and no action.
As if sensing her thoughts- or maybe she was that easy to read-, Sasha said while laughing:
"Oh but it's reaaaally true, all of this. Do you ever watch the news? I've become famous, Sasha Winterhound, poisonmaster, mercenary to the core, insane murderer.Those shitty journalists always exaggerate. And they're dumb too. Can you believe they related half-assed, gory and clumsy crimes to my flawless assassinations? Outrageous, I tell you. Oops, I'm blaberring while you're slowly dying from the inside. Go ahead, shoot me. That's the purpose of that gun in your hands which, by the way, is sister to the one I have. It will be such a privilege for you to kill me with such a fine gun and for me to die because of it." Calm down, calm down for fuck's sake. Pull yourself together, you can't have a panic attack now. This woman is insane, truly, absolutely insane. She can't be my old friend, one doesn't change so much. Lady Doc was trembling, the pistol now in her hand, heavy and cold. The psychotic grin on Sasha's face combined with the fact that she was asked to kill her while she never once touched a gun, nevermind take a life with one was driving her over the edge.
"You know, if you don't hurry, you won't even have this chance. Let me tell you a little about this poison currently ravaging your body while you shake like a leaf hopefully gathering the courage to erase me from this world. I've made it myself, hence the title of poisonmaster the Netherworld gave me. Custom made just for you, hehe. Brodifacoum, Black Mamba venom and a combination of diazepam and fentanyl. Lovely, aren't they? And because I bet you have no idea what these do, I'll explain. First of all, the brodifacoum will reduce the amount of vitamin K in your body, thus leading to massive internal hemorrhaging- your blood will leak from the smallest vessels. It's a lethal anticoagulant, I usually use it for targets that have to die after a certain period of time and belive me when I tell you that it always did its job. Then comes the Black Mamba venom- it's a snake-, one of my favourites because it kills fast and because my acquaintances have an annoying habit of comparing me with one, even though I despise snakes. Hmm, let me remember, how did they describe me...Ah yes,'her combination of speed, unpredictable aggression, and potent venom make her an extremely dangerous creature. She has a reputation for being very aggressive, but like most snakes, she usually attempts to flee from humans unless threatened.' Blah,blah,blah. I'm not that aggressive, just a little and looks like I'm blabbering again. Oh, oh, oh, back to you, my dear. This venom is what will actually kill you, the brodifacoum was for the artistic part. Severe abdominal pain, pallor- which you already display-, erratic heartbeat, fever and, if you're lucky, a heart attack. But you won't be, I made sure of it. What will happen for sure is muscular and respiratory paralysis-you'll die asphyxiated, hehe- oh and lots of convulsions. But because the later symptoms are reaaaally unaesthetic, the diazepam-fentanyl combo will make sure you're paralyzed. You'll die beautifully; that is if you don't kill me and take the antidote off of me. Hahhaha, looks like I finally caught your attention. Didn't I tell you that I'll give you the chance to defend yourself or, in the worst case, at least avenge yourself? And I'm afraid that if you don't make haste, you'll have neither of chances. Once paralysis settles in, you're done, obviously." Sasha took a deep breath as if to emphasize the effect of speaking so much and so fast had on her. Her golden eyes stared right into Lady Doc's dark ones. Satisfaction swam in ones, fear in the others.
"You really did become a psychopath", the brown haired woman said aggravated, through gritted teeth.
"Perhaps" a sly grin spread across Sasha's face.
She wasn't a coward, nor a weak woman. Lady Doc had few things in life that scared her and killing somebody wasn't one of them so why couldn't she pull herself together and shoot? Or maybe that's what she deluded herself into thinking, that taking somebody's life was easy if she was faced with no other solution. How much time was it since she was poisoned? How much did she have left? The existence of an antidote was somehow keeping her clouded mind from falling but what if that woman was lying? And this gun, was it really loaded? Her leg muscles felt strained and she was having a difficult time breathing; her insides were burning and sweat was leaking from her pores. She had to do it now, she had to fucking do it now. Gripping the gun with both hands and pointing it at Sasha, she eyed the unfazed woman. Smug expression, hands crossed in front of her chest, hip cocked to the side, no worry in the world. It was really disturbing to see her so relaxed when a gun was pointed at her. Did she believe she won't shoot? Lady Doc squeezed the cold metal in her hands tighter and after a few more seconds of hesitation, she pulled the trigger. The recoil sent her tumbling down; the bullet didn't reach its target, but the metal door which had now a hole the size of her fingers.
"Seriously, Doc, you disappoint me. Unmoving target three meters in front and you miss? C'mon, try again."
Horrified by the others' lack of fear, the brown haired woman screamed and shoot all five remaining bullets that were loaded in the gun, yet only one managed to graze her ghost. The fabric on Sasha's shoulder began to redden, yet no expression of pain showed on her face, not even a twitch. She started to clap while widening her smirk, as if the bloody injury was merely a scratch.
"Bravo, my dearest friend, you used up all of your ammo, yet you didn't succeed in killing me. You really are amazing. In ten more minutes you'll be dead, thought I should remind you." No, no, no, fucking hell no, I don't want to die, I don't want to die yet. "You bitch, what the hell did I ever do to you for this to happen? Wasn't I your friend? Did you really become a soulless monster with nothing to lose?" She was shouting, her voice having caught an hysteric edge from all the rage and fear she was feeling. The fact that her lungs couldn't quite get enough air was only adding more fuel.
"Hmm, never did something to me, you say? Dear, did you really forget how you so easily threw aside my friendship and forsake me? Me who treasured your friendship more than anyfuckingthing on this world? You really have guts to look me in the eye and say you didn't do anything wrong. And it looks like you didn't learn this important detail about me all that time long ago when we were oh so close. Never fucking go on my wrong
side, never! Because I'm an extremely vengeful person. I may have looked like I forgave and forgot you, but no, nu-uh, I
never forget that which hurts me. You did something unexcusable. And now you pay." And then she laughed, a cruel, hollow sound from deep inside her chest.
On the floor, Lady Doc listened, horrified both at the reminiscence of their younger years and the the fact that she couldn't feel her body anymore. Panic was making her pulse fasten and thus leaking inside. She was losing blood and her mind was becoming numb; her lungs also, seemed to constrict painfully, leaving her without enough air. She laughed bitterly to herself. The brodifacoum wasn't for "an artistic death", it was for her passing to be painless. Before dying by asphyxiation, she will lose her consciousness and she won't feel anything. A hasty thought crossed her mind for a split second: from their teen years when this woman always used to say that she hated the idea of torture and if someone had to die, it should be fast and without much pain. Her brown eyes lifted to meet her murderer's hollow gaze. That psychotic grin again, she sighed. How can someone become so heartless to the point of killing someone without even flinching? So I'm not as coldblooded as I alleged.
"You never thought that I'll really do it, did you?" Sasha said in a low whisper, picking on her nails.
Lady Doc's vision was becoming blurred and she was gasping for air like a fish out of water. This was it, the end of everything. Aah, what a pointless life I've lived. Am I really dying? Just like this, everything goes poof for me? Why, Dear God in Heavens to which I always prayed in times of need and never got an answer, am I leaving so soon? I wanted to at least-
Sasha's golden eyes watched her old friend's brown ones shut close. In just a few more minutes she will be dead. She crossed her hands in front of her chest again and she waited. The wound in her shoulder was stinging but her mind was too focused on long forgotten memories to register the pain. Moving over Lady Doc's body, she picked up the black gun and strapped it back in its original place, where the antidote sat neatly. Unclasping it slowly, she took the syringe to the porcelain sink in the room and pushed the clear liquid out until nothing else was left. She put the empty vial in one of her belt's pockets and moved to stand before the Doctor's body. Her chest was barely moving, her skin getting a bluish tint. The wall clock's ticking was echoing in the silent laboratory.Tick-tock,tick-tock,tick-dead. Sasha laid the still warm corpse on the tiled floor and put on her chest a blue paper rose; she placed a kiss on her forehead and straightened up.
"Farewell." She said with an empty voice. Turning on her heels, she headed for the exit. The fluorescent light was making her eyes glint like a spectre's, her boots were clicking loudly on the floor and her lips were twisted in an emotionless smile.
Outside the research center, in the freezing winter night, Sasha looked back at the building once more before disappearing in the shadows. She could have blown up the place,get rid of the corpse, but that wasn't how she worked.Truly, it would have been a glorious ending for her old friend, but she wasn't into pointless victims and wasted resources. No, it was better this way. Finally done.
