I exist,yet I don't live.I see,yet I don't care.I breathe,yet I don't feel.Once again,I'm resetted.My whole being changes,grim thoughts fry my brain,winter chill frosts my soul.The only thing connecting me with this world,my soul,is slowly losing its substance.The heart is empty;an ashen shell with nothing inside,metaphorically speaking.
On my own,leaving darkness in my wake.
No matter how much I try to see the opposite,the world is ugly.Who's at fault?People.I begin to hate everyone,deny everything.And the sad part is that I don't even care if it goes all the way and I become a damned existance with no bond,no life.
I still haven't found a person who'll matter.And I'll probably never do.Because the human soul is corrupt,selfish and simply wrong,with emphasis on selfish.The world will never be beautiful and safe as long as a race with beautiful souls won't rule it.
I deny.I cease.
Blindingly sunny,yet cold as a day of late December.A blonde,curly head popped out from the inside of a red car,her white skin shimmering under the glaring light.Her black vinyl clad body moved swiftly,locking the vehicle and then heading towards the pub's door.Small hands smoothed over the tight outfit which hugged her curves deliciously,blue eyes pierced the crowd with a haughty stare,four inch high heels clicked on the pavement and then on the thick wooden floors inside the familiar pub.The air was thick with tobacco smoke and mindless chatter as the people sitting around enjoyed themselves.Her appearance didn't go unnoticed;all heads in the room turned,following her every move as she headed for a certain table where she sat down beside a young man with messy brown hair and vivid green eyes.He greeted her in a low,throaty voice and then went to buy her a drink,his tall frame looming over her as he got up,briefly throwing her face in a shadow.Whoever looked at her in that short moment had seen the wicked expression the darkness carved in her features.
She scanned the room leisurely,taking in every face present;some familiar,at which she smiled,some unknown.Her gaze roamed until it settled on a certain person,a girl with midnight blue eyeliner,talking lively with another one.A look of pure,unadultered hate flashed through the blonde's blue orbs as she confirmed herself who the other girl was.Brown,messy hair,imitating curls and gloriously failing,small frame clad in jeans and a T-shirt with a sassy message written over her breasts,hazel eyes rimmed with black and an air of sickly superiority surrounding her.Oh yes,she knew the bitch well.She readjusted her features briefly,adopting an expressionless face as she made eye contact with the midnight blue eyeliner girl.She knew Sasha as well,she was one of her closest friends;that was one of the reasons she asked for her help.The other being her hellish skills.She knew that if things went south,Sasha will get her out unscathed and blameless,even if she had to wipe out the entire pub.The blonde grinned internally at the thought of seeing everything burning down in flames or disintegrate under the effects of some biological weapon S would pull out if given the chance.She nodded her head once then turned her full attention to her smoldering hot date who returned from the bar,drinks in hands.She didn't have to look to know what was happening,the plan was simple:Sasha would slip a little poison in the bitch's drink,then wait for it to take effect.And soon enough,there she was,with a distressed look on her face as she rubbed her stomach.The blonde could read the words on the wench's lips as she spoke to her friends:"I think I ate something funny,I kinda feel sick.Be right back,sweetlings." and she flashed them a fake smile,while heading to the bathroom.Game on.
Sasha slipped a very small portion of the drug she used earlier in another one's drink,preparing the ground for what was about to happen.In a few minutes the victim rose from her seat and headed to the bathroom.There she will probably ask the bitch if she was ok and come back soon,for that particular poison got out of your system easily.During the next ten minutes,other two persons used the bathroom,each unknown and from different tables.Sasha calculated everything with the precision of a surgeon.She knew human behaviour and its quirks,she knew how to take advantage of any situation she was put in.And this particular one was fairly easy.Getting Eve out and without blame will be a piece of cake,considering the perfection of her plan.
Twenty minutes since the bitch went into the bathroom.Her friends seem to have forgotten about her,as they continued their loud chatter,Sasha maneuvering the discussion with ease.It was time to act.A wicked grin threatened to overwhelm her features,but she kept it at bay.Excusing herself,she left her date and stepped inside the crampled room,locking it with a soft click.Bending over,she saw the bitch preparing to step outside the toilet cabin,doing exactly what Sasha predicted.The girl knew her poisons well.The brown haired midget came into view,a look of confusion crossing her face,quickly replaced by one of reconnaissance as she saw Eve staring back at her with a sickly sweet grin plastered on her face.She tried to wave and say hello,but in the split of a second,a harsh,violent pain shot through her throat as she sputtered blood,her mouth forming a silent scream.She backed away until her calves hit the toilet seat and raised her hands to her neck,tears blurring her eyes and falling down her cheeks.Immediately after,her face felt like it had been cut open as blood vessel after blood vessel exploded,bruising her skin.She felt a spasm racking her limbs,one by one,and when she tried to move,they gave a shudder and she hit the ground on all fours,gasping for air as raw and fierce pain plagued her body.Her mind didn't even notice that Eve was standing over her,doing nothing but watch with her teeth barred and eyes glowing purple.
Oh,how she was suffering,that little bitch.And she didn't even know what hit her.A short laugh escaped the blonde's lips as she continued her torture,manipulating the blood inside the body crouched at her feet.Slowly,enjoying her pain but keeping her alive enough to satisfy her need for revenge,Eve worked her way through the blood system,making everything explode in her wake:the brachial and radial arteries,so she couldn't use her hands anymore,the femoral arteries from both her legs and taking her time with the vessels in her feet,blowing them up one by one:the tibial and fibular arteries,followed by the greater and lesser saphenous veins;she watched the bitch's silent screams of pain then decided to blow up the vessels in those hazel eyes.Blood came running down,mixing with the tears and staining her shirt.Eve considered for a few seconds if she should explode what was left unharmed at once or try to keep her alive a little more.She decided on the latter as she kept the vital sectors for the brain and heart intact,as well as keeping an eye on any massive internal bleeding.It wasn't time for that yet.The blonde ruptured the branches irrigating the liver and the kidneys,then went back to the head and took care of some capillaries and other vessels boarding the internal ear.Frankly,Eve couldn't believe that the bitch didn't pass out from the pain already.But she will soon,it was already geting boring.The aorta and carotid artery went next and,at the same time,her heart exploded in a splutter of crimson liquid cascading out her parted lips.The blonde's purple eyes stared in the girl's hazel ones,watching as life faded away from them."What a bloody mess",a surprised whisper slithered out her lips as the glowing in her eyes subsided and their icy blue colour returned.She gave one more look at the mutilated body laying before her,smiling triumphantly as her revenge got fulfilled.
Stepping out of the toilet cabin,she closed the door and righted her features,washing away the droplets of blood that splashed her face when the heart blew up.Swaying her hips,she exited the bathroom and walked towards her hottie,glancing briefly at Sasha only when she found herself seated and with a new drink in her hand.Her little sociopathic friend grinned like a cat who just put her paw on the fattest,juiciest mouse in the room when she got the confirmation that the deed was done.
During the next half an hour,Eve flirted with her green eyed boy,waiting for the last part of the plan to play out so she could leave and finally enjoy her date's gorgeous body.People came and went,the bathroom was used frequently,yet no one saw anything out of the ordinary.Yet.Chancing a glance at Sasha,she saw her take a look at her watch,a knowing smile plastered on her lips.She also noticed fewer girls at the table and felt a little surprised that they forgot completely about the bitch.Oh well,who cared?
A horrified scream filled the entire building as a chubby brunette stumbled out of the bathroom,looking positively green.All she said before passing out was "blood".The barman ushered inside,but came back in a second demanding someone to help him break the toilet door.
-There's a pool of blood coming from behind.Jesus,it's so much! His eyes were filled with terror,but he proceeded in taking down the wooden entrance.Gasps errupted from those closer to the crampled toilet;the guy who helped in breaking the door was now throwing up in the cabin next to the battered one.The barman sat in shock,his eyes taking in the horrible corpse covered in blood,ugly bruises and cuts from where the skin split open.
Eve didn't stay to watch the rest,she knew already what was going to happen next.Faking weakness,she leaned on her date's hard body and pleaded to be taken away from the atrocity.With a grin shielded by her hair,the blonde walked away,feelling satisfied with the outcome of her revenge,a newly found bloodlust forming inside her darkened soul.
"Shame,such a shame I think I kind of lost myself again Day,yesterday Really should be leaving but I stay."
Waking up,a new day,it's gray outside and I feel the same.Empty.Like a marionette,moving,breathing,watching,dreaming,living with no purpose whatsoever.Headphones are on my pillow;I fell asleep with music again.Can't really figure out if they're mine or yours.The lingering agony of an eerie dream covers my skin;it must have been your music.I like your music,it makes me feel.There's fog outside and ashen clouds clog the sky,a warning of rain.My vision is swirling with images of you and Death. "Say,say my name I need a little love to ease the pain."
If you say my name now,I won't hear it.The blood pumping in my ears makes it impossible to distinguish words.Just a little mad,nothing to worry about.I just need to let it take over,only for a little while.I close my eyes and lean back in the chair.Music in my ears,making out only the tune,there are too many thoughts plaguing my brain,too much blood running through my veins.It's chilly outside but it feels real.Sometimes I need to feel reality,to keep from crossing all the way.It will probably start to rain,yet I don't move.Water is good,it gets you back to your senses.If there was pain,maybe it was better.But it's only numbness.What do you think,if I ask for a little love,will I feel it? "'Cause it feels like I've been I've been here before You are not my saviour But I still don't go."
After all,you can't save me neither.Because I wasn't made to be saved,I was made to feel.To feel and drown,to save and die.Yet,I'm chained to you.I can't leave,or so I say.These strings attached to me are so thin,they can be cut so easily.Will you mind releasing me?You don't do it.And I don't go. "Fade,made to fade Passion's overrated anyway."
Can't feel the love.I hear again.I open my eyes and see that the ashen clouds unleashed themselves,pouring over my slumped body,drenching me to the bone,the water seeping inside my core.Strangely,I breathe again with ease.The shadow of insanity fades away and I'm seeing you again.I look at the headphones in my hands;I think I broke your music,sorry.
There's no such thing as love for me but there is a feeling you will never understand.Because it was made for me,so I can look at you and link your soul with my dissolving one.
Yes,they do.At least,some of them.If you don't know me and I don't know you and you have no business with what I do on the internet,why the fuck do you mess with me?Stay put and stop judging around and throwing insults just because you're grumpy.You can,now,go fuck yourself.
My suffering will not be in vain.I will take revenge...Oh yes,you would pay dearly for this.You don't deserve to live,you are not my family,you are no one!I wil make you pay dearly for all that you've done.All these years,you made her suffer and you don't even fucking care.I don't care what happens to me or that you will hate me,but she will not remain like this.You just sentenced yourself to death tonight.You have no fucking idea of what you've raised;and don't you dare blame her because YOU are the shaper of all that's dark and nasty inside my heart.And guess what?Tonight you enhanced it to a hate and madness like never before.You will taste it,you will feel it...the insanity you have created out of your own child.
Wrong move.You shouldn't have remained.You have no right to destroy my life further.What will I do now?Change is about to come and I don't want to welcome it.Because change is not always good.How much longer can I hold back?You have done once again something unforgivable and you will pay the price.
After all,even the dead should have a day of mischief once a year.
-Welcome,said the Pumpkin Head,to the Witch Hunt!His hand pointed to a small door above wich the words "Witch Hunt" were written in beautiful,golden letters.Actually,everything seemed to have a soft sunglow that particular evening.The stars seemed to shine brighter,the full moon flickered,the trees murmurred something incomprehensible,the buildings were engulfed by an aura of mysticism.It was a beautiful sight for a night supposed to be terrifying.She smiled to herself "What a nice Halloween."
Now,she was headed to a warm cup of lemon and ginger tea at the new teashop,the Witch Hunt.Heard it was open only on the 31 of October.Peculiar,but who cares?Tea is always welcomed;the way in which other conduct their businesses doesn't concern her one bit.
The wooden door creaked when she opened it;a bell chimed above her;a mix of tea and old books gave the place an intoxicating fragrance.What happened next,she couldn't really tell.There was a woosh sound and a sharp pain in her neck and then blackness.
The Pumpkin Head watched with its perpetual amused expresssion as the girl's head dropped on the wooden floor,blood splashing from the severed neck.The black scythe hanged just above the entrance magically returned to its former position,waiting for new customers.The floor was already absorbing the crimson splashes.He watched as a small,translucent ball raised from the corpse and attached itself to the north wall.He had to admit,it was a beautiful sight,his collection of human souls.Those little,trembling puffs of light,whispering ceaselessly the language of the dead.You see,he loved to collect them.Why?Because he could,of course.And because he loved hunting;humans were such easy preys.
A tremor in the astral plane announced him that a new victim aproached the golden darkness of the Witch Hunt.His eyes sparkled.
Of all the things I've written over the past weeks,I'll say only this.There's no light,no love,no end inside.You destroyed my heart of gold,but it's my fault for trusting you were different.
I should mention it again:true friendship is nearly impossible to find.
In my sleep.
Underwater,blinded by darkness and light,guided by your warmth,I follow you.Bubbles caressing my skin,where are they from?Who breaths here,in my secluded place,my sanctuary?The past,the forgotten memories take the shape of fish.I know it's them;I feel their cold touch on my arms,my face,my neck.Air trying to infiltrate my brain,to make me remember.But it's no use.What has been forgotten,will stay forgotten.Twisting and spinning in the water,feeling the safety of it,the unnatural high that comes from the lack of oxygen.I can almost touch you now,so close.I awaken. In my mind.
A storm is coming.Birds are rushing in the sky,shots of blinding light flash the horizon,no sound is heard.I see feathers falling from the clouds;white and small.Only a few,but it's still strange.Who sheds them?Are the seaguls plucked by the fierce lightning?Or maybe angels do exist and now they make their presence known.Droplets of water begin to fall and land on my skin.Another cold touch that triggers darkness and fragments of a lost memory.Once again,I'm blind so I let myself led by warmth.Will it take me to you?A deserted road,blackened skies striken with dazzling lights,white feathers floating down from somewhere above this world,rain filling the cracks in my path,a girl wandering apparently without destination.But I know you're there.My senses never failed me,this is your warmth.I feel alive. Nowhere.
I follow you among the stars,walking on water and clouds,on figments of our minds.Because all that's real is you,the rest is just illusion and frost.I follow you in hope of warming my cold self,I want to melt,my soul will soon be beyond salvation.The colours of my worlds are taking up my vision once again and I lose sight of you.Where did you go?I am lost.
At times like this I am the most sensitive.Don't get me wrong,I'm not talking about emotional or tissue sensitive.It means that my brain is the most perceptive now.I know everything,yet nothing.I am a myriad of things,yet not a single one.I am inspired even by the mere breath of a living being and everything I know and begin to know gets mixed up.My senses are hired up,I feel exaltation and nothingness at the same time,the words in my head are a blurr and I succeed nothing.Even though knowledge is there,at my fingertips,I don't put to work a single muscle to achieve it.Why?Because,like I said,everything is amped up and,in the end,it mindfucks me until I snap out of it.This duality is killing me.I understand nothing and trying to sort out the words swarming inside hurts.A numb pain,the worst kind.I don't know what to think,who to be,how to live."Be yourself" it's bullshit.Say that to the boring peeps out there because in my case,it doesn't work.I don't have a self,I have so many that I,too,am confused.Who am I?Who should I choose to be?How can I answer that question with a satisfying reply when I want to be everything.I won't settle just for one self,my mind can't comprehend something so dull.So I end up being nothing.Nobody.Just a breathing shell with a soul attached to it,patched up from so many things that it became an abomination.Fractured selfs sewn together throughout my life.My heartstrings chime,my ribcage vibrates.I want to resonate with somebody.
