Innocent love

 Will you let me love you?

"There is something I need to tell you, and though I look for the words
I cannot find them." 
 With a trembling hand I pick the colors and gently lay them on the canvas.Blue tears pouring out from red eyes,black lips trying to whisper words that cannot be found,paper white skin cracking under the pressure of the emotions building up inside.
"These words have no heart behind them, just a closed mind."
 Do I have a fake heart?Only showing its presence when around you. Or maybe it's me who restrains it.I uncounsciously will my mind and soul to be cold,always stay strong and hide from the real world.I know that I will never change my ways,I'm too afraid of what will happen then.I prefer to be considered a coward than to be vulnerable,weak.
"I don't need love like in dramas and such.
Just to be by your side
That alone is enough for me."
 I always ran away from love,I found it useless.Silly me,I wasn't aware that love was always by my side,stuck inside my heart.Be it love for an animal,a flower,my books,a song or a friend,it was there,impregnated in my being.Innocent love,that is what I call it now.You,my dear friend,make my heart tremble;I don't want your love,that will be troublesome,all I want is to be by your side,to care for you,to love you.I still don't know what hides behind your eyes,you may not consider me a friend,but it doesn't matter.I innocently love you.
"Someone's wishes,
Lack of words,
And feelings
Are gently engulfing this world."
 Aah,the canvas is filling up with colors,so many that you can barely distinguish anything anymore.Black memories heading from the corners towards the pain(t)ed soul that lies in the center,surrounded by the warm  shades of twillight and the cold tones of dawn.Chained by loneliness,your love is all that can keep the black away from this fragile prisoner.
"Even though the things to say
Are overflowing
I still can't do it.
Just look at me..."
 My world seeks escape in yours.Both may be crumbling,but I'll keep hoping their pieces fit together.

In singuratate

Alone...Is anybody out there?

 Singuratatea mi-a fost alaturi in cele mai grele momente si imi va fi si acum.Ori de cate ori am nevoie sa-mi fie cineva alaturi descopar ca nu am pe nimeni,ca atentia pe care le-o acord prietenilor si grija pentru ei e onesided.Cand am nevoie sa ma sustina cineva,toata lumea are treaba,e ocupata.Stiam ca asa se va intampla,dar am continuat sa sper ca de data asta e diferit.Dar nu a fost.
 Azi vreau sa particip la un concurs muzical si sunt preselectiile.Speram sa am un prieten alaturi ca sa-mi ridice moralul but no such luck.Asa ca,din nou,ma bazez numai pe mine si imbratisez singuratatea in timp ce incerc sa nu ma fac de ras.Inca o data,viata imi arata ca destinul meu e sa fiu vesnic singura.M-am impacat de mult cu gandul asta,nu ma mai doare (prea tare),aproape ca nici nu imi mai pasa.Cred ca ar trebui sa incetez sa mai sper ca voi gasi si eu pe cineva care sa-mi fie cel mai bun prieten,caruia sa-i ofer toata dragostea mea (aici vorbesc de dragoste prieteneasca,nu de relatii amoroase stupide).
 Imi inghit lacrimile de dezamagire si imi conving inima sa se calmeze.Cred ca faptul ca prima melodie pe care am cantato cu adevarat la orele de canto se numeste "In singuratate" e un semn.
 Aaah,stiu ca mai tarziu voi regreta postul asta deprimant dar,pana la urma,asta e blogul meu,aici imi scriu gandurile deci am sa postez tot ce simt,indiferent de cat de lamentabil ar suna unele fraze.Hehe,deja ma simt mai bine:)

I never show sympathy

  I'm not giving you sympathy,silly.I care for no one and everyone,get it?

 Ah,who cares anymore?I'm just trying to be your friend but if you're putting me in the same zone with the others without even blinking then what's one to do?
 Let me tell you this.I never lie.I always forewarn people that I am mad and to not expect normal behaviour from me.So when I show concern,don't,and I say DON'T, mistake it for sympathy.I pity no one and care for everyone,at the same time.Ah,what has happened to you stranger,that you are so weary of unknown people showing feelings?
  I am strange,I already know this.What I'm trying to do is befriend you,in my own way,so sorry for being awkward.Is it that bad that I find you interesting?
  You know,stranger,because of you I'm in this strange phase,when I think I'm lost,dark,beyond redemption and shit and search for the one to save me.But it's just pretending.Correction,it's the music's influences;music makes me feel things,because usually I don't.All I do is float in a see of nothingness,not caring at all,almost finding it strange that I can be so different.Almost.
  But.When I find someone interesting,I "come alive".Yep,that's it.I start feeling again,and it's mostly enthusiasm which results in a bundle of other emotions.It's not like I'm insensitive or anything along those lines.This mood of mine makes its way out only when I'm around people.Trust me when I say that all I need is myself and I'll be happy.
  In short,if I'm showing concern towards you that doesn't mean I'm offering you sympathy.I'm not that much of an angel.
  This subject needs further exploration.Ah,this made me very angry.Good God,some people are so stubborn and oblivious.
 You need a firm fish slap in the face>:3

Dun dun

 Dun-dun-dun,sha-la-la-la-la,I don't know what the fuck I'm doing....Sooo,aveam chef sa postez ceva dar n-am inspiratie.Scoala a inceput,orarul ma omoara practic,profii sunt morocanosi si stresanti,noroc de sis a mea cu care ma prostesc tot timpul>:3 Because we're evil and awkward like that...Oh God,we really are disturbed.

Nonsense

Don't try to fix me,I'm not broken.

 Sometimes I wish I had someone like that,but then I remember myself that I don't need it.I'm better being a walking disaster and as long as I stay at a decent distance from the people I love,no one will get hurt.
 The madness inside my mind keeps me company and entertains me everyday.If you ask what's inside my mind I will tell you this:a tornado of thoughts,feelings and everything I see around me.They all mix together and create nonsense.My own nonsense which for me makes sense.Funny,isn't it?

The song doesn't actually have to do with the post.One particular verse made me put it here.