Coffee Blues

How long must I live till I'm healed ?

  Watching outside the window,I see the rain pouring like a gray waterfall,cars rushing through the muddy streets,one or two silhouetes passing in a hurry,dull umbrellas in hands.There is a certain sadness in the air,or maybe it's melancholy?The door bells jingles and a customer slides in the coffee shop;he makes his way to the counter and orders something warm probably,then chooses a table in a dimly lit corner,under the old,lily shaped lamp.I wonder what his purpose is for being outside the house on such an ugly day.But then again,I'm here too and I don't have a particular reason for this. It just that, all of a sudden, I felt unbearably lonely in my empty apartment. The coffee cup in my hands and the blues pouring out of the speakers sooth my soul.
  I only want to know what true sorrow is. That's what the song says. Outside the rain is still falling; it doesn't seem like it will stop soon.On my way here, I almost stepped on a rose.It was red and sitting in a puddle of dirty water on the sidewalk; at that moment I thought "What a pity", now I wonder who dropped it. Or maybe it was thrown away. Was it for a lover who didn't return the feelings? Was it for a dead person? Was it for a mother? Was it for a celebration? What is the purpose of that rose's existence? What happenned with the person who owned it?
  I only want to know what true happiness is. That's what the song says. I let my gaze fall back on the customer under the lilly shaped lamp. The faint, golden light creates a halo around his slumped form; he keeps his hands around a steaming cup and his eyes hold a blank look. I wonder why he seems so sad. Life is cruel and full of hardships but it has its fair share of happiness too; I suppose the weather outside and the melancholic blues don't improve one's foul mood, so why come here if you're upset? I never understood that thing about humans, increasing the amount of sorrow in your heart. Why let it consume you when you can fight it? Something startles him; he pulls out a phone from his pocket and the blue light of the screen illumminates his face. He seems to be reading a message and it looks like it holds good news because his features relax and in his eyes a certain light dances; a faint smile spreads across his lips. He throws some money on the table, takes his still dripping umbrella and rushes outside the coffee shop with joyful moves. I watch him until he dissappears in the rain. Isn't it amazing how easy one can switch moods? From drowning in a pool of sorrow to sprinting happily in the rain because of one simple message. Heh.
  I sip the remains of my coffee, pay the bill and get out in the rain; the music fades away as I close the door. Making my way back to the apartment, I once again encounter the abandonned rose. I stare at it for a few seconds then bend over and pick it up. It's wet, but still beautiful. I smile to myself; moods really can be improved even with small things such as this flower. Suddenly, this rainy day doesn't seem so ugly anymore.

Reaching out

 Underwater...

 Swollen lips,searching eyes,trembling hands,cold skin,words unspoken,whispers...

 Underwater it's warm.Underwater it's soothing.Underwater she feels safe.There is a certain peace she gets.Surrounded by bright lights relentlessly dancing,rainbow hued bubbles and salty solitude,she is...happy?No,not happy,but at peace.She doesn't feel lonely there,nor does she feel hurt.It is not a solution,but an escape;a sanctuary if you want to call it like that.The cruel wind of reality doesn't blow,the acid rain of the world doesn't pour,the nothingness of the people's souls doesn't reach,your absence doesn't hurt.In the green and blue and grey colored sea,she can breathe.This may be the perfect world,so you're wondering why she doesn't stay there.

 Look up,my dear,there it is again.The enigmatic,shining moon with its sad light,drawing her out,tempting her without even knowing.She reaches a hand toward the surface and even though she doesn't mean it,she's out again,in the burning hell called Reality.Oh how she hates the moon in such moments...But then again,that pale brightness holds great power over her and she's back again to reaching out more even though she knows the outcome of her actions.

 They say actions speak louder than words do.But what if actions would bring your doom?Would you still proceed in doing them even though you know what awaits you?Happiness is a dangerous emotion.

 She submerges back underwater.Where it's warm...safe...quiet.

 Her moon is...

Flesh

 Raw emotion and lust crawling up their skins.The hotness of the night only amplified the tension in the air and the room felt all too small for them.Pieces of clothing scattered around the floor,on the nightstand,covering the red Amaryllis on the verge of blooming.What a mess.
 The smell of alcohol was strong;probably vodka or tequilla.A muffled scream,a slap,two hoarse voices emerging from the darkness,a hand reaching out to turn on the lamp on the nightstand,a dim,yellow light slightly iluminating the room.
 "Tie me up and you're a dead man."
 *chuckles*"Really now.I am very afraid.See how I tremble?"
 "Put the fucking rope down,goddamn it.I'm not joking."
 "You know you like it."The smug look he showed her sent her mind in a rage.So when he tried to get a hold of her hands,she raised her head from the pillow and sinked her teeth into the flesh of his biceps.Hard.
"Shit.That hurts like hell." He almost jumped.
 "Liar."Now it was her time to grin slyly.
 What followed next was a mess of hands,moans,legs,scratching and biting,the smell of blood persistent in the air.
 "Don't think you are in control babe.I'll let you play some more but it's my turn now.You're not nearly as red and damaged like me and I don't quite like it."
 From above him,she eyed him darkly.It wasn't as if she wasn't aware he was tougher than her but stubborness made everything more intense.She grabbed his chin and traced a long,red nail (not only from the polish) along his lips,his jaw,the side of his temple and then,in a swift movement,scratched him on the cheek.He looked at her as if he was mad but she saw the spark in his eyes,the one that promised something better.
 "Acting like a cat now?"
 "Mrrr."
 "Just so you know,I like my kittens tamed.And you*he pushed up his body,making her back away* are a very bad little beast.Not good,not good at all."
 It was like a game of chase,the way they moved around each other on different sides of the bed.The hunter and its prey,only in this specific situation you couldn't tell who was who.
 That night was about flesh and nothing more.The taste of lust is sweet but the outcome painful if you mix together the wrong spices.Both predators;a dangerous night indeed.

Mad?

Burst out,oh mighty madness.

" Paper airplanes
Open window
Here today
And gone tomorrow."
  Grinning like an idiot,with nothing that makes sense in my mind,I walk around the town,headphones in my ears,lightly bobbing my head to the music.It's a sunny day,just after a big storm;it rained all night,I know this because I stayed up untill morning reading a book that was neither good nor bad.I may be a little high from the lack of sleep,but who cares?It's a beautiful day to waste roaming around without a certain destination.
 "I like crossing the line
And slowly losing my mind
Are you ok 'cuz I feel fine
Maybe it's me I'm just crazy
Maybe I like that I'm not alright."
  Madness is a key-word in my life.Without it,I would be like all those average persons I dislike.Not hate,I don't feel such a strong emotion for anyone.Excitement and indiference,this two rule my life.I can't say I like it,but it's my way of living and I don't know how to change it.Also,everything that doesn't make sense appeal to me.Oh,I'm grinning like an idiot again.More like a psychotic idiot someone would say.But it's fun being like this;I never get bored and life is enjoyable.Do you get bored easily?Sometimes I like poking my friends until their patience pops.Not poking as in sticking your finger in their back every 2 seconds,but as in pushing their buttons and being annoying just to see how they react.I'm a curious person,hehe.Oh and I also like to act all silly with them to make them smile.I know I can be unbearable at times,but if they smile and they're happy,then that's fine.I care for everyone and no one.It may not make sense to you,but I know very well what I'm talking about.More grinning.
"All messed up
And slightly twisted
Am I sick or am I gifted?"
  Nothing more to say,I think.Life is life,with ups and downs like everyone else's but quite different because I have my madness to keep me company and help live it.Grinning,grinning,grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

Let us kill the Time

 ...and drown together.

  You see,there's no point in trying to be normal,trying to be what they want.Why live that boring and soulless life?You need to see the true beauty of life,its true nature,its true meaning.Why don't you push the cage's door?You know it's open,no one locked it and no one will ever do that.Step out in the light.Let me tell you what I saw when I did that:warm light filtered through the stained glass windows of an abbey,warm darkness slightly engulfing me and the stone angels around,blending with the light to give everything an almost unperceivable halo;and then there was a door,another one.It looked old but it gave off a soothing vibe.Like it was beckoning me to open it and step beyond it's frame.And that's what I did.Do you know what I saw?A river and nothing alse but a mixture of greys surrounding it from everywhere.I couldn't see its bottom but the dark blue water was whirling wildly,showing from time to time glimpses of something shiny.When I looked behind me,the door was gone and instead of it there was a floating hourglass who turned each time the sand reached its bottom.And a thought occurred to me out of the nowhere.If I stopped the sand from falling,will the time stop?And I did just that.I put my fingers around its small frame and noticed it was warm;when I moved it horrizontally it only cooled off';nothing else happened.Or so I thought.

  I let myself fall in the water behind me.Drown,drown,deeper and deeper.I found out it wasn't so bad;floating in the blue darkness,in soothing silence and warm sensations,I closed my eyes.When I opened them again,I was here,living the same life as you but quite differently.Inside me,I was still drowning in the river and time was dead;I was free to live how I wanted,I was no longer chained by their expectations.You know why?Because my conscience fell asleep;it was still there,but now I could see things more clearly.

  So I tell you this:push open that door,find your sanctuary,kill the time and dive.That's where you'll find me,floating in dark blue,warm waters where the conscience sleeps and life is real,unbound.

  Together.