We've fallen apart like roses in a decaying garden. Rage, sorrow, pain and hate. How much until I break apart? How much until I end it all? I want out, I want out, I want out, I want to fucking escape from this neverending nightmare. How much do I have to suffer until I'll finally be free? Let me die, I want to die.
The need to escape is choking. My mind is collapsing, I feel it break into pieces with every breath I take.How much until the end? I grasp the smooth surface of the table so tight my knuckles turn white. Wave after wave of rage washes over my being, with maddening pauses of sorrowful agony in between. My stomach feels sick, my head is spinning from the lack of air; I hold my breath to keep my mind from falling apart. One hand rises to my neck and starts scratching slowly, nails digging deep, leaving red markings and splitting the skin open eventually. Blood starts surfacing, yet I feel no pain. My mind is too focused on the rage. I've had enough since long ago; perhaps only oblivion made me hold on for so long. This sweet, unnecessary curse of keeping my mind locked into limbo has helped somehow, but the truth is that it only made matters worse. To add fuel to the fire, the problem of my inexistent identity crushes my skull with the fierce power of helplessness and I fall to my knees, tears stinging my eyes. I stare off into the darkness filling up the space under the table; the dimly-lit room no longer soothes me, the shadows actually feel like predators carefully eyeing their prey. I struggle to my feet and reach for my cup of coffee. For the next half an hour I gulp down ten cups of strong, bitter coffee in a fit of madness, thinking the foul taste could extinguish the fire scorching my mind. It usually worked, but today proved to be exceptionally shitty. I sink into a chair and start rocking back and fort, a stupid smile spread across my lips, tears falling and eyes unfocused. I want to fucking disappear from this world, to lose myself into the abyss, that impossibly black space where nothing exists, not even me.Where I go just before oblivion claims my mind again and helps me go back to living. I notice that I ran out of coffee.
With frenzied movements I search the bar and take out a couple of energy drinks. I know very well what the effect of mixing them with what's already in my blood would do to me. Yet, I drink them. I've wanted to be free for far too long, my patience and sanity had been murdered years ago. The only thing I can feel sadness about is this world inside of me that will go to waste and for that I will feel eternal regret but I fear I'm too far gone for anything to pull me back on the track.
I can feel my chains breaking and falling to the ground as rust eats them away rapidly. I also feel the last threads of the veil holding my mind together disintegrate under the flames boiling my blood. My veins hurt and my heart thuds loudly as if wanting to break my ribs. My breath comes out in sharp gasps and my eyes blur, a piercing noise fills my ears, blood is trickling from my nose. For some time all I can do is stare at the ceiling through a reddish haze and kick my legs around while my hands are tightly grasping my upper arms. Suddenly, everything stills.
It's always like this. Periods of time when everything seems to be alright, when I think that my future is my own. Then it happens. He shows me just how wrong I am hoping for that, how I never was and never will be free of him and the fate he prepared for me. I have to do this, I have to do that, this is normal and I have to obey, forever enslaved.
What is "normal"? Something I am not and never will be. I refuse this fate. I refuse you. There won't be a legacy, your name will die with you and for that I'll make sure myself. If I have to stain my hands, then so be it. There's nothing good left for me anyway so why not go on the other side? I'm already fucked up, gave my soul to the nothingness and was left with what I am today. It's because of you I'm dead inside.You, you, you, oh dear father of mine.
Will I ever break free, I wonder from time to time. And there's hope in my soul, a feeling I'd rather discard. And sometimes I succeed because you prove to me that whatever I'll do, it will never be enough as long as it's not what you want. You know, I never asked to be here, I never wished to be alive. A happy home, a fairy tale, a broken dream.Won't you die for me?
Who was I supposed to be, I wonder from time to time. Can I die? I want to go away. Well, my soul is already there; there's nothing left of it to be saved. Hate me.Hate me.Hate me.Hate me for I'll never be what you want me to be. Let's not prolong this joke of a life anymore and just hate me already. It is unavoidable for what I have in mind for my future it will leave you breathless.Literally.
Another day, another week, another year and I'm still bound to this life you gave me. Will I ever be free? My mind is swiftly swirling down and I know that when it'll reach the bottom, darkness will engulf everything. Pitch black.Nothingness.Death.
How funny, how fitting to be left with whiteness. Pure white. Fullness. Life. And I'm still not what you wanted me to be. To break free is to die and be reborn. I went mad and never came back. Hehe.
I'd rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not.
I'd rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can't.
"No! Claaaara!" she fell to her knees, her outstretched hand trying in vain to catch the falling body of her bestfriend. Kess snatched her waist, holding it tight to prevent her from plunging after Clara.
Faith's shrill scream filled the night, full of the grief and hopelessness she was feeling in her suddenly bleeding soul. All she could think was how did it happen? How was it possible for Clara to disappear from her life in such a short amount of time? In a split second, she was gone, engulfed by the darkness stretching under her. The bridge they were running across crumbled out of nowhere, as if it was alive and decided to suddenly move itself.
"Move! Goddamn it, move already, Faith!" Kess' voice, even though it sounded harsh and cold, held an edge of despair. He was dragging his friend, trying to get her up on her feet before The Cold Ones caught up on them.The adrenaline surging through his veins kept low the impact of what just happened, maintaining his head clear. This must've been the work of a sorcerer, the bridge suddenly collapsing. If that was true, then the case of them dying in the next minutes was 100% likely.
"Faith!Up!"
Her survival instincts finally took over the torment in her brain and she sprang to her feet and after Kess. They had to get on the next building fast; she could already feel the cement under her feet beginning to heat, sign that a lethal spell was being cast. The full moon and clear sky along with the city lights kept their path illuminated and she could already see another stone bridge so out of place in the futuristic metropolis, raised up in memory of times long past gone. She didn't want to let herself think about how Clara vanished without a sound from behind her when they were crossing a structure like that mere moments ago. If she succumbed to the sorrow eating away at her soul, death would embrace her with open arms. And what if she let herself die? To put an end to all suffering. No more running, just the pure bliss of not existing. Kess's firm tug on her hand when he sensed she was slowing down brought her back to reality. They already crossed the bridge and it didn't fall. She chanced a look over her shoulder and noticed with terror in her eyes that boiling lava covered the roof they were standing on previously. Never before had she seen a spell in action even though she had heard of them. Powerful, terrifying abilities that can ravage everything they touch. A shudder shook her body and it wasn't from the slightly chilly wind.
"Damn it!" Kess's shout brought her attention back to their current problem: escaping from The Cold Ones. They were trapped.
"We can't jump. The gap between these two is wider than the one between the Council and the hospital where we had no problem leaping." Kess brought his hands over his face and then through his hair, looking wildly around."They're close and that fucking sorcerer just made this a hundred times more difficult. He could strike us at any moment." He suddenly stopped moving, closed his eyes and drew a deep breath through his nose, a sign that he tried to calm down. Faith simply stood in front of him, palms firmly clasped over eachother, waiting. Exhaling, Kess spoke, eyes still closed.
"Prepare to fight for your life if this makes a turn for the worse. We will climb down the ladder on the right side of the building. If I remember correctly the plans of this town's structure, there should be an iron staircase on every edifice, glass windows set every four meters in case of emergencies like fires or explosions. If the fucker casts a lethal spell while we're going down and the ladder starts to heat, break through the nearest opening. If we get separated, just head straight to the exit. Understood?" He opened his eyes and Faith thought they have never been darker than in that moment. With a firm nod, she headed to her right, noticing that there really was a ladder there. The air was getting gradually icier, sign that The Cold Ones were closing in on them. Swiftly, she proceeded in climbing down, Kess following right after. If she were to slip and fall, there would be nothing left of her but an unrecognizable mass of flesh and bones.
They were halfway down when she heard his scream. Faith wiped her head up and saw Kess struggling to free his right hand which got caught in something resembling an iron claw. From above him a grey mist was slowly descending the ladder. "Go! Faith,move already!"
"What about you?!" the girl's voice was hysteric, her panicked eyes moving between Kess attempting to free himself and the ominous looking mist. There was no time, no time.
"Go the fuck away already, Faith! We can't let them have all of us!"
She started sniffing but resumed her descent, not looking up anymore. Kess was tough, he will get down in time, she was sure, she had to be sure or else she would lose herself in despair. Plagued by such thoughts, her foot slipped on a wet stair and when she looked down, her eyes widened in utter horror. Thick mist was climbing up and some of its tendrils already reached her, leaving thin gashes in her shoes. Thinking fast, she located the nearest window, a couple of meters above her, and plunged for it. The shattered glass stuck to her now bloodied hands and, cringing from the burning like pain, she got up and looked behind her; the mist seemed to pay her no attention and continued its ascension. Towards Kess. Faith almost screamed and made a move as if to go back, yet his words resonated in her mind. She will not lose her head, will not let herself get caught like a pathetic insect in a flytrap. And then she ran.
Kess was drawing runes with a bloodied finger on the iron claw when he heard the glass breaking and he looked down. Figures it wouldn't be that easy. Damn sorcerer and damn mist. The one from above already caught up with him and sliced his hands and torso and was now slithering towards his back, neck and head. Come on, come on already. Brow furrowed, hand feverish, he whispered the Latin word for "break off", the mantra which would activate the rune. 63...64...65...66! "Distraho!" The claw cracked, falling apart and freeing his hand. By now, his arms were covered in deep gushes oozing blood and the pain was almost unbearable. Clenching his teeth, he broke through the nearest window, rolled inside the darkened room and traced another bloody rune on the floor, the pattern for light. A luminous bulb the size of his fist materialized and floated in front of him. Running through the door and out in the hallway, Kess prayed that Faith was still alive and she was heading towards the exit. If only it weren't so dark, Faith thought as she stumbled yet another time. The only light illuminating her path was from the windows, but there weren't as many as she expected. Only one per hallway. Strange enough, the elevator wasn't working and she had to take the stairs. After only two flights, her leg muscles were aching and trembling; the adrenaline rushing through her veins earlier already left her. What still managed to make her move was the thought of The Cold Ones catching up to her. Sensing a tremor in the handrail she was clinging to, Faith stopped moving and looked around herself although it was too dark to see anything. An ominous feeling sent shivers down her spine. Then, a blue, luminous line of Latin script appeared alongside the wall next to her and continued descending and ascending until she couldn't see it anymore. Faith sat still, waiting for something to happen for it was surely the sorcerer's hand here. She felt trapped.
Kess knew what was going to happen when the bluish words appeared alongside the walls. Curses fell from his lips and he ran faster, now screaming Faith's name; they had to get there before the reality began to change. A fucking phone would've been a life saver now. The building was twenty stories high, it will take the sorcerer at least five minutes to cover the whole of it, no matter how experienced he was. If he found the girl soon, they might get out in time.
Dark thoughts were lurking at the edges of her mind. She had to start moving again to outrun the despair in her soul. How high was this damn building? Her legs felt like jelly and she was almost tempted to give up. Almost. From somewhere above her, Faith heard Kess' voice calling her name. With renewed hope, she screamed back his name.
He heard her. Much lower than he thought and that was a bad thing; they won't have time to escape. He shouted Elido and he hoped she understood what he meant. She never studied runes like him or Clara but she still knew the basics. Probably. While descending towards her, he started chanting the Latin word. 66 times himself and 66 times Faith should be enough to break a hole in the wall.
"Elido? What the hell is elido?" She panicked again, racking her brain for the translation. "Break to pieces? Oh Lord, I'm so fucked. How did the rune look like?" Faith smeared some of the blood on her arms on the wall next to her and chanted the word, hoping she was doing it right. The handrail was beginning to tremble, resembling a disrupted reflection on water.
She was there chanting and clasping her hands tightly, looking anxious. She didn't draw the rune. Kess moved at once to trace the lines on the wall. 66 and 66, come on, please! He saw the signs of reality getting changed and knew they were almost out of time. Cracks began forming in the cement and soon enough it began crumbling, leaving behind a hole big enough for a body to fit through. What he didn't think about when he came up with that plan was the height. Looking down he sighed in relief to see that at least once fate wasn't screwing with them. Two stories won't make much damage. At least not as much as remaining in the building would.
"Come on Faith, you have to jump. Remember the parkour basics I taught you?"
She nodded and looked down with her face scrunched up in fear. "You know how to land. Now go!" He heard the crackling as the two worlds began merging together and threw himself through the opening in time to not get caught in the shifted astral plane. He landed with a thud and rolled into a crouching position. Next to him Faith was huffing, laying flat on the dirty sidewalk.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I...just need to...uf catch my breath."
Kess looked at the gap they made in the building and saw the blue light. He shuddered, knowing very well what mayhem lay now behind it.
"We have to get moving. Just because we escaped from there doesn't mean it's over. By now, The Cold Ones already located us."
"Shit." Faith covered her face. "I'm just so tired. So so tired."
"Faith..."
"I know! But it's still hard." The girl struggled to get into a sitting position.
"Come on, we have to get to the shrine faster. We wasted enough time with this fucking building." Kess was massaging his temples, the only sign of his fatigue being his ragged breath and the distraught look in his eyes
"Please, run slower. My legs feel like they're about to fall off."
"Take my hand and don't let go, no matter what."
"I won't."
I'm bound by luminous lines of runes. My head is spinning, my body is aching. They found us is the only thing I can think of.
The Crow's eye takes in everything, absorbs the world it lives in and stores the information inside itself. It becomes a greater being, one which knows and understands things others aren't able to. But sometimes, all that unindentified matter summing up its very self gets so jumbled up and twisted that the Crow gets confused. Therefore, it can no longer comprehend itself and loses its existance. The darkness engulfs everything and this little bird's wings get bound to the ground. Not being able to focus on anything, the Crow is flickering in and out of reality, wasting eons of its life, crushing and recreating parts of itself which will soon be forgotten again. It goes back to the beginning one more time.
A mess of a soul, chained into reality, longing for liberation.
There are sounds in the shadows,beckoning me to follow. But where,where,where am I going? Dark tendrils slithering towards me, circling my feet, are trying to have a taste of something which isn't there: a soul. I want them gone, they are poisoning my mind. Hah, who am I kidding? The venom is practically dripping from my pores, it dissolved every particle of purity and sanity and left a hideous, scarred mask. A mask I embrace with a grin on my face. Hehe. Those damn shadows are still there.Why won't they fucking leave? What are you staring at, huh? Fucking grains of darkness.
Alone is what I have. Humans disgust me, I want to see them dropping dead when they least expect it. Blood, blood, blood leaking out my eyes as I watch you burn eternally in the hands of Death. There's mud in my veins, my blue, blue veins, royalty defamed. And mud in my brain, staining my vision on reality a hue or two darker. Me and Death, separated at birth. Seriously, that's why I'm so alone, because my one and only companion left me before I had the chance to meet it. Oh but I hold hope that I'll meet it again, for sure it will happen. Say, dirty seeds of darkness, if I follow you now, will I meet the one I want?
The shadows grew thicker in the time I lamented. They're restless, trying to convey a message I can't understand. I don't speak shadow. Getting taller, more imposing, I see dark, flickering fangs rising above me and then striking. Oh I've been eaten by shadows, my skin is being pierced by thousand needles yet there's no pain. Where is the pain, bring the fucking pain! I want to inflict pain on you, will you let me? Say that you will beacause all I see is darkness.
If I don't own a soul, what would the shadows want from me? I mean, that's where all essence gathers and holds itself together, keeping the individual sane. Not having a container, my essence is poluting my brain, wrecking havoc in my veins, causing mayhem in my organs. It's all a mess, a fucking mess. My beautiful mess. Blood, blood, blood, I'm demanding first blood! The shadows want a taste? Here, have it all! Rip my flesh and drink up, poison yourself, dirty yourself, become sick like me! Take a knife and carve your name on my skin, Death. I can't feel pain, is it all an illusion? No but look at the poodle of red at my feet, that surely looks like mine. I rub my eyes and guess what? There's blood on my hands! Oh what the fuck, who cut my veins? My pretty pretty blue veins!
Hah, the shadows are following me as I walk away. Looks like I have a new companion. Until we can meet, dear Death, I'll have them by my side. My new black stained loneliness.
She lost control again, a hooded person noticed from behind a building. And she killed again. Those agonized screams were ringing in his ears long after the victim was dead, making him shudder uncontrollably. Keeping an eye on her was getting tougher with each outburst she manifested but someone had to make sure she wouldn't get herself killed. He wondered if one day he'll fall victim to her madness and die at her hands like many others. No one who encountered her during a rampage got out alive.Not a single person.
