All alone with you

I'll go with you,bearing any sin you've got.

"There’s no way that I can love someone
But I want someone to love me."
I'm weird and insane and I don't know how to love so it's better if you keep your distance.This way I won't hurt you,but why do I want you to stick close to me?I know I'm selfish for wanting someone to love me when I can't reciprocate,but do I ask for too much?
"Dear God, where did you go? Hey
But there’s no answer; it’s always like this
Are you still here?"
I'm all alone on this road.Always have been,always will be,yet it doesn't bother me.I have nothing more precious than me and as long as I'm alive I'll keep going forward by myself because I know that's the way it's supposed to be.Are our destinies already written or do we make them ourselves,step by step?All I know is that I don't care.Hey,dear God,is this what you want me to do?
"You’ll never walk alone
I’ll go with you
Bearing any sin you’ve got
I’ll walk down the uncharted path
All alone with you."
If you ever need me,I'll go with you.I know I can't love,but I'll be by your side whatever you'll do.And when your burden will become to much for your shoulders,I'll take it because,on this road,I'm all alone with you and you've become so precious.You may think that you have nobody by your side,nobody who cares,but you're wrong.I'm still here and forever will be.
"You may mess me up even more, okay?
If everyone is going to die and be forgotten someday
Then I’ll only believe in what’s certain now."
I'm messed up pretty bad,right?But if you're okay with me,I'll stick close to you.Nothing is forever and nothing will be great enough to be remembered even a thousand years from now.So all I can do is keep moving forward on my road,live in the present and etch my presence on everything I touch,even if it won't last.

"I will stay with you
Hug me with your hands and with all your heart
Don’t be scared I’m all better now.
Even if your hands ended up getting dirtied
I’d still want you to love me."
I'll stay with you,even after there won't be anything left of me.I'll watch over you,until the very end.All alone with you on the road to nowhere...

Another post written because of a song.I absolutely love supercell,their music is so inspiring.xD

Because

 Because you're cute.Because your mind is interesting.Because your heart is fascinating.Because you make me tremble.Because I don't know you.Because I know we'll be good friends someday.Because you're funny.Because you have great taste in music.Because you're hurting.Because I love your eyes.Because you give me inspiration.Because you're afraid.Because I'm insane and tend to dig my own grave.Because you might be my damnation.Because I love loneliness but you make me want more.Because you're so goddamn cute.

 Why in the nine levels of hell do you think so lowly of yourself?I'll stop here.I don't need you saying it's not my damn bussiness what's going on in your life.I already know this.But it's your fault for being so cute and fascinating.No,you're not a lab rat;I really care for you,as strange as it may look with us not even being friends:)Yeah,I'm awkward.

The Unknown Friend

Hello stranger,want to be friends?

 I wish I could take your pains away but you won't let me and I'm afraid I'll break you even more.Oh how I wish I could be the one to hold you,be the one for you.
 I'd give you all my love and heart but I don't quite have a heart.It's more like a mess of broken pieces,some of them I'm not even sure they belong to me.But I'll try to be your friend,I'm good at being a friend.If only you would let me.
 What are you afraid of?Believe when I tell you I won't leave you;once we're friends I'll hold your hand until the end.All you have to do is trust me and I'll do anything I can to make you happy or at least stand by you when you need someone to lean on.For me,friendship is the most important thing,it surpasses even love so I'm not giving up on a friend as easily as the others.
 Remember one thing stranger:you are not alone.When you're sad and need somebody to care,come to me,I'll  by your side.

Coming undone

 My mind has had enough.

 
"Keep holding on
When my brain's ticking like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts
Have come again to get me."
It hurts,my head hurts so bad.The fury is chaining me in reality,I can't escape inside my mind to heal my wounds and it pisses me off even more.Black ropes are encircling my hands and feet,can't move,can't hear,can't see.Cry.
"Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along, mockingbird
You don't affect me."
I was expecting this to happen,but it still hurts.Your words left a deep gush inside my mind.Haha,so I was the black sheep,the sacrificed lamb,you had to eliminate one so I was the best choice.It's okay,really,it is.I already knew life hates me,you don't have to point it out so vehemently.It's just that now I hate you,I really do.Scream.
"That's right
Deliver it to my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate ."
Please strike,that's why you are here,right?What do you know about me,huh?Don't compare me with the others,I know I'm better.My dignity,voice and mind is all I have so I'll hold tight on them.Say the words,I know you want to crush me.But I won't let you affect me.Growing pain.
"Wait, I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
What looks so strong, so delicate."
I can't breath,this tears are choking me out.My heart trembles with rage,my nails dug deep in my palms,blood is trailing.I may look strong,but I'm more fragile than you think.Your eyes tell everything,you don't like me.It's okay,I don't care.What hurts is the fact that I'm the only one who pays the price for her mistakes.No air.
"Choke, choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me."
Gasping for air,I remember all the times life slapped me in the face.It's like it's trying to tell me that I'm not allowed to be on the stage.It doesn't let me sing,it doesn't let me live.I befriended my demons long ago,but it looks like they abandoned me when I needed them most.Choke.
"Since I was young
I tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Doe's not protect me."
I know what it's despair,been there,done that.Sorrow is always by my side,waiting for the perfect moment to strike me again.You gave it an opportunity,but I won't let it get me...too much.I try again to get inside my mind but,again,I get no response.My head hurts even more now,the chains are getting heavier.Why do I even bother trying to live how I want?It's obvious that I'm not allowed.Blank.
"I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like I'm not getting better
Not getting better."
Ah,the pain is not getting any better,it strikes me on and on.I can't feel my mind anymore,it's like it left me alone.But I don't want it to leave.I don't want to be alone.You judged me,you missunderstood me,you hurt me.But it's okay,I'm getting used to that.The black lamb has been sacrificed.

Innocent love

 Will you let me love you?

"There is something I need to tell you, and though I look for the words
I cannot find them." 
 With a trembling hand I pick the colors and gently lay them on the canvas.Blue tears pouring out from red eyes,black lips trying to whisper words that cannot be found,paper white skin cracking under the pressure of the emotions building up inside.
"These words have no heart behind them, just a closed mind."
 Do I have a fake heart?Only showing its presence when around you. Or maybe it's me who restrains it.I uncounsciously will my mind and soul to be cold,always stay strong and hide from the real world.I know that I will never change my ways,I'm too afraid of what will happen then.I prefer to be considered a coward than to be vulnerable,weak.
"I don't need love like in dramas and such.
Just to be by your side
That alone is enough for me."
 I always ran away from love,I found it useless.Silly me,I wasn't aware that love was always by my side,stuck inside my heart.Be it love for an animal,a flower,my books,a song or a friend,it was there,impregnated in my being.Innocent love,that is what I call it now.You,my dear friend,make my heart tremble;I don't want your love,that will be troublesome,all I want is to be by your side,to care for you,to love you.I still don't know what hides behind your eyes,you may not consider me a friend,but it doesn't matter.I innocently love you.
"Someone's wishes,
Lack of words,
And feelings
Are gently engulfing this world."
 Aah,the canvas is filling up with colors,so many that you can barely distinguish anything anymore.Black memories heading from the corners towards the pain(t)ed soul that lies in the center,surrounded by the warm  shades of twillight and the cold tones of dawn.Chained by loneliness,your love is all that can keep the black away from this fragile prisoner.
"Even though the things to say
Are overflowing
I still can't do it.
Just look at me..."
 My world seeks escape in yours.Both may be crumbling,but I'll keep hoping their pieces fit together.

In singuratate

Alone...Is anybody out there?

 Singuratatea mi-a fost alaturi in cele mai grele momente si imi va fi si acum.Ori de cate ori am nevoie sa-mi fie cineva alaturi descopar ca nu am pe nimeni,ca atentia pe care le-o acord prietenilor si grija pentru ei e onesided.Cand am nevoie sa ma sustina cineva,toata lumea are treaba,e ocupata.Stiam ca asa se va intampla,dar am continuat sa sper ca de data asta e diferit.Dar nu a fost.
 Azi vreau sa particip la un concurs muzical si sunt preselectiile.Speram sa am un prieten alaturi ca sa-mi ridice moralul but no such luck.Asa ca,din nou,ma bazez numai pe mine si imbratisez singuratatea in timp ce incerc sa nu ma fac de ras.Inca o data,viata imi arata ca destinul meu e sa fiu vesnic singura.M-am impacat de mult cu gandul asta,nu ma mai doare (prea tare),aproape ca nici nu imi mai pasa.Cred ca ar trebui sa incetez sa mai sper ca voi gasi si eu pe cineva care sa-mi fie cel mai bun prieten,caruia sa-i ofer toata dragostea mea (aici vorbesc de dragoste prieteneasca,nu de relatii amoroase stupide).
 Imi inghit lacrimile de dezamagire si imi conving inima sa se calmeze.Cred ca faptul ca prima melodie pe care am cantato cu adevarat la orele de canto se numeste "In singuratate" e un semn.
 Aaah,stiu ca mai tarziu voi regreta postul asta deprimant dar,pana la urma,asta e blogul meu,aici imi scriu gandurile deci am sa postez tot ce simt,indiferent de cat de lamentabil ar suna unele fraze.Hehe,deja ma simt mai bine:)

I never show sympathy

  I'm not giving you sympathy,silly.I care for no one and everyone,get it?

 Ah,who cares anymore?I'm just trying to be your friend but if you're putting me in the same zone with the others without even blinking then what's one to do?
 Let me tell you this.I never lie.I always forewarn people that I am mad and to not expect normal behaviour from me.So when I show concern,don't,and I say DON'T, mistake it for sympathy.I pity no one and care for everyone,at the same time.Ah,what has happened to you stranger,that you are so weary of unknown people showing feelings?
  I am strange,I already know this.What I'm trying to do is befriend you,in my own way,so sorry for being awkward.Is it that bad that I find you interesting?
  You know,stranger,because of you I'm in this strange phase,when I think I'm lost,dark,beyond redemption and shit and search for the one to save me.But it's just pretending.Correction,it's the music's influences;music makes me feel things,because usually I don't.All I do is float in a see of nothingness,not caring at all,almost finding it strange that I can be so different.Almost.
  But.When I find someone interesting,I "come alive".Yep,that's it.I start feeling again,and it's mostly enthusiasm which results in a bundle of other emotions.It's not like I'm insensitive or anything along those lines.This mood of mine makes its way out only when I'm around people.Trust me when I say that all I need is myself and I'll be happy.
  In short,if I'm showing concern towards you that doesn't mean I'm offering you sympathy.I'm not that much of an angel.
  This subject needs further exploration.Ah,this made me very angry.Good God,some people are so stubborn and oblivious.
 You need a firm fish slap in the face>:3

Dun dun

 Dun-dun-dun,sha-la-la-la-la,I don't know what the fuck I'm doing....Sooo,aveam chef sa postez ceva dar n-am inspiratie.Scoala a inceput,orarul ma omoara practic,profii sunt morocanosi si stresanti,noroc de sis a mea cu care ma prostesc tot timpul>:3 Because we're evil and awkward like that...Oh God,we really are disturbed.

Nonsense

Don't try to fix me,I'm not broken.

 Sometimes I wish I had someone like that,but then I remember myself that I don't need it.I'm better being a walking disaster and as long as I stay at a decent distance from the people I love,no one will get hurt.
 The madness inside my mind keeps me company and entertains me everyday.If you ask what's inside my mind I will tell you this:a tornado of thoughts,feelings and everything I see around me.They all mix together and create nonsense.My own nonsense which for me makes sense.Funny,isn't it?

The song doesn't actually have to do with the post.One particular verse made me put it here.

A thought

  “People like to say love is unconditional, but it's not, and even if it was unconditional, it's still never free. There's always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won't be happy unless you are ... I just don't want that responsibility.”