EnD: Diary of the Past

  The family tree, gave me a name and nothing more

  It's all so messed up and no one ever listens.

  It's always like this. Periods of time when everything seems to be alright, when I think that my future is my own. Then it happens. He shows me just how wrong I am hoping for that, how I never was and never will be free of him and the fate he prepared for me. I have to do this, I have to do that, this is normal and I have to obey, forever enslaved.

  What is "normal"? Something I am not and never will be. I refuse this fate. I refuse you. There won't be a legacy, your name will die with you and for that I'll make sure myself. If I have to stain my hands, then so be it. There's nothing good left for me anyway so why not go on the other side? I'm already fucked up, gave my soul to the nothingness and was left with what I am today. It's because of you I'm dead inside. You, you, you, oh dear father of mine.

  Will I ever break free, I wonder from time to time. And there's hope in my soul, a feeling I'd rather discard. And sometimes I succeed because you prove to me that whatever I'll do, it will never be enough as long as it's not what you want. You know, I never asked to be here, I never wished to be alive. A happy home, a fairy tale, a broken dream. Won't you die for me?

  Who was I supposed to be, I wonder from time to time. Can I die? I want to go away. Well, my soul is already there; there's nothing left of it to be saved. Hate me.Hate me.Hate me.Hate me for I'll never be what you want me to be. Let's not prolong this joke of a life anymore and just hate me already. It is unavoidable for what I have in mind for my future it will leave you breathless.Literally.

  Another day, another week, another year and I'm still bound to this life you gave me. Will I ever be free? My mind is swiftly swirling down and I know that when it'll reach the bottom, darkness will engulf everything. Pitch black.Nothingness.Death.


  How funny, how fitting to be left with whiteness. Pure white. Fullness. Life. And I'm still not what you wanted me to be. To break free is to die and be reborn. I went mad and never came back. Hehe.

I'd rather hate you for everything you are
Than ever love you for something you are not.

I'd rather you hate me for everything I am
Than have you love me for something that I can't.